Laughter At Humanity Show

Taking Life’s Hints: Laughter At Humanity Show Impromptu Park Special

“Sometimes maybe life is trying to tell you something….” – Aaron Clarey, paraphrased

Sometimes life, as per the title, gives you hints on what you should or shouldn’t be doing. In my case, it was to maybe take one of the hottest nice days of the summer off. How long did I take to figure this out? Pour yourself a glass of claret and sit back by the fire for the walk in the park special!

MP3 Download Here: angry at work listen to hints episode 1

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Growth Through Experience: Laughter At Humanity Show Completely Professional Spectacular

“What weighs an ounce today weighs a ton tomorrow. – Terrence Popp

This episode brought to you by:

Welcome to the completely smooth running show, where nothing ever goes wrong, ever! Nick Schulaner attempts to chime in to drop another story of marketing misadventures, and we get some feedback on the previous show! Is there an external solution to what ultimately is an internal problem, and did I actually get tagged in an after the bar altercation caused by an American Native? After you recover from the side splitting bout of laughter at the thought that anyone can land a hit on me aside from my old masters, Make yourself a frozen cadillac margarita and tune in, down below!

Episode 1: Racist Native And Marketing Story

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Episode 2-Child Of Truth and Dopamine Rush

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Freedom Versus Security: Laughter At Humanity Show Dispensing Relationship Badvice Spectacular

“The fastest way to make a woman miserable is to give them everything they ask for.”

Everyone wants to feel safe, particularly with a partner. Sadly, that doesn’t happen often these days, with that prospect, in my opinion, going down by the day. Got a few people either asking for help or simply telling me about their woes; figured I’d give it a swing to give them a bit of help. DO I actually have advice that isn’t 100 offensive, and do I now have a new punching bag group of people to pick on? Take a shot of your bottom shelf bourbon, don your offense-resistance body suit, and tune in below!

Episode 1: Passive Aggression & Case #1

MP3: detach 1

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Episode 2: Case 2 & 3, and plug for Curse Of The High IQ

MP3: Detach 2

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Nutrition Made Fun: The Goddamn Guide To Dieting

“You can’t out train a bad diet.” – Matt Koch

Side Note: Damn Straight Matt, I’m restealing your website name for my own nefarious purposes! If anyone else is wondering what the hell I’m talking about, visit his website and give him a follow: @nutritionmadefun ! #MakeNutritionGreatAgain

Just to be upfront: this is an idea I halfway fell into, halfway got training in from a bunch of different resources and other training programs. Though now that I think about it, that’s how the most effective programs are built, due to them being the most likely to have been born out of reason, evidence and experience. Such is the path of philosophy, and since philosophy deals with everything, and having a healthy body allows you to do so, it is high time to talk about the one investment that allows you to deal in every other investment. So let’s get right into the meat of the matter: pun intended!

Nutrition: quite literally the building blocks of the body. Every diet is designed to rebuild and energize you for whatever physical activity you’re persuing, some being more suited for certain tasks (example: a more fat/carb heavy meal before going on a century bicycle ride vs more protein heavy meals before a power lifting competition). Rather than go over sport or competiton styles of dieting, or some meal planning, I instead will lay out the building blocks of which you can tinker with and construct a diet that best suits your needs and change up to adapt to different situations. With that in mind, there are several diets I’ve come up with, only one of which has been the direct purpose of actually gaining weight.

Standard: The diet I normally follow, with no particular goal in mind. This cuts out the 3 ingredients I outlined in two articles, the most revised one being here:

In case you’re unable (or too lazy) to read that article, that mainly means limiting vegetable oils, added sugar, and refined wheat as much as you can. At the same time, the diet emphasizes healthy whole foods. I’ll break it down into the following list. Keep in mind that, since there is no complete source of one macro nutrient that excludes the other two:

Protein: Beef, Chicken, Pork, Duck, Lamb, even Bison every once in a while, though Venison is more flavorful.  On the plant kingdom side: beans such as red kidney and pinto, and nuts such as peanuts and cashews. This includes leaner meats such as chicken breast and pork chops, fattier cuts such as roasted duck and delicious USDA Prime NY Strip, and more processed such as ground meats, sausages, european bacon, and salami! Turkey doesn’t make the list because I don’t really eat it, but I’m sure it’s a fine source of protein.

Fat: American Bacon (gotta mention it somewhere, and let’s be honest: the american variety has more grams of fat than protein), Cheese, Butter, Milk, and dark chocolate because why not. If your protein options are as open as above, you really don’t need to supplement extra fat, but these are good additions to any delicious diet!

Carbs of the fruit variety: pineapple, mango and more recently nectarines (for the ladies: look it up ;), along with apples, oranges, bananas and most berries. This isn’t an exhaustive list since I don’t have a variety of fruits I favor (also I hate throwing out spoiled produce), but you essentially can have any fruits you want as long as you don’t overdo it.

Carbs of the veggie variety: green beans, greens (collard, mustard, and whatever the hell the third one is that’s superior to kale on every level), sweet peas, corn, potatoes, carrots and occasionally oatmeal. Onioms and bell peppers I get fresh, but for the others I usually go with the canned variety: it keeps far longer than fresh and is more sterile (O.K., honestly I’ll forget it and it’ll rot in the fridge.), and there’s no room in my freezer that’s filled with about 200,000 kcal of meat and frozen pizza.

Carbs of the junk variety: sourdough bread (yes, specifically sourdough: the culturing process it does through does make it healthier for reasons I’m not going into right now), cheesecake, pizza (preferably if it’s on a thin sourdough crust), dark chocolate (again), potato/tortilla chips (I can hand make those too with the deep fryer) and Jack Link’s Sweet Hot Jerky! Grain based sides such as rice, grits and spaghetti (though spaghetti does have more nutrients) is on this list as well, given they’re essentially water sponges that usually serve as a vessel to deliver other flavors.

Condiments: no sugar ketchup (it’s just as good as the regular variety and given how little I actually use it vs how long it lasts, I’m O.K. paying a premium for it), mustard, olive oil mayo, barbecue sauce on occasion, hummus, full fat sour cream and salsa are the staple ones that come to mind. Keep in mind most of these are used sparingly. Guacamole isn’t bought often because if it’s relatively short shelf life, so I usually make it by mixing diced avocado and salsa.

Spices: Black pepper, bacon salt, white pepper, ground garlic, turmeric (it has some good nutrition effect when paired with black pepper, but I forget what it is), onion, chile powder, & paprika. Excepting the onion and paprika, all of those are made in house.

Alcohol: let’s face it, you know you wanna throw back a few after an arduous work day. All forms of beer, cider, wine and spirits are on the menu, though keeping in mind to, well, mind the cocktails that use a lot of simple syrup or fruit juice which therefore would contain a lot of sugar, such as a delicious tequila sunrise.

Supplements for Health: Doctor’s Best Magnesium Glycinate (200mg: it’s even Vegan!), Lysine(1,000mg), and half a zinc pill (which is half a 50mg pill: do the maths) with my morning coffee.  Reason: You should get enough of these in the foods listed above, but it’s just good to have an excess of these in your body, and doesn’t cost as much. Zinc is good for your immune system, Lysine for your skin and hair to make you extra sexy and lubed up, Magnesium because it’s an important electrolyte that, while my own diet may contain enough, the majority of peoples’ don’t, so I take it as insurance. Glycinate is the type you want specifically: it is the easist to absorb, and doesn’t make you have emergency poop runs to the bathroom like the citrate variety does.

Supplements for working out: Creatine Monohydrate, Beta-Alanine, & CoQ10. Creatine because, unless you eat nothing but ribeyes, you don’t get as much as your muscles can store; what it does in a nutshell is give your mitochondria (your cellular batteries)more capacity to create more energy. Beta-Alanine is a double edge sword: the positive is that it scrubs the lactic acid from your muscles, which is what makes your muscles sore; the downside is that, since you’re essentially numbing the signals that your muscles are damaged, you run the risk of overdoing it, leading to sudden muscle failure (Happened to me a couple of times, once at a concert. The friend I went with had a good laugh at my expense).

Here’s where CoQ10 comes in (and the only reason I can spell it right is because I’m looking directly at the bottle): It’s purported effect is to lessen the damage caused by strenuous exercise. The reason I started using it is simply because I hate the feeling of ever being disabled, even if it’s a good sign that I did it right. The brand I use specifically is Qunol: it’s in the form that is the most easily absorbed by the body compared to the others (Ubiquinone if you’re curious). It does seem to have solved the double edge issue with Beta Alanine!

This is a general list: I’m sure I missed some of what I eat, but this is a good staple list to follow. You can mix these up in whatever variety you choose. Meal Scheduling: My general philosophy as far as eating goes is two fold. 1. Outside of dinner, only eat when you’re actually hungry, not when you see a delicious bag of loaded potato chips; this usually means, excepting an exercise day, I don’t eat outside of dinner. Exercise days usually involve 3 eggs, cheese, salsa, and a side of sausages, with greek yogurt and blueberries as dessert, sometimes with delicious, perky cacao nibs. At the time of this writing the go to brand is Chobani: theirs has the best protein to sugar ratio. Other sundry snacks are boiled eggs, salami, bacon and dark chocolate. As far as macros go, it’s mostly calories from protein and fat, with carbs added the more cardio I anticipate I’ll be involved in (such as if I’m going on a long bike ride). An example of a meal would be pork chops with a side of mixed white and brown rice topped with bacon cheese.

The results: Ended up dropping down from 235 pounds to about 205, with my waist line going from a comfortable 38 to a loose 36. Seeing the results starting to literally show through, specifically actually seeing some abs come through, I decided to see just how far I can take this, so I started a new fitness regimen I dubbed Project Six Pack. Along with a line of exercise, I also devised a diet called:

The Superior Cutting Diet:

This is what I came up with when I took on the challenge Project Six Pack: It gave me approximately 6 months to lose enough body fat to reveal the abs I worked on for the last 2 years. The diet came into effect with a little over 3 months to go, and was instrumental in helping me achieve said goal! It covers both the extreme side that I was willing to go, and still was good enough on the pallette not to force me to give it up, though there were quite a few things I missed after a while. Keep in mind that the following diets will include some soups of the above list while excluding others.

What’s allowed: all sources of protein and fat (that’s right: that bacon wrapped bavette strip steak you have on the grill with now? Still on the menu!). As far as the carbs go, the only ones on the fruit side of the list are the berries (blueberries, raspberries, etc.) and oranges: reason being they have the least amount of sugar in them. As far as veggies go, only the lowest calorie ones made the cut (GET IT!?): green beans, carrots, sweet peas and corn. And, as you can imagine, dark chocolate and jerky that has 2 grams or less of sugar added are the only junk carbs that are allowed. Examples of dinner: beer cooked brats grilled with onions and bell peppers, paired with peated scotch on the rocks. Another: meduim rare seared USDA Prime New York Strip with a side of bacon and cheese covered green beans, with a refreshing silver tequila with a spiked seltzer mixer and a lime!

The alcohol aspect is where things really get interesting, to me at least: most light beers and now spiked spaekling waters will list themselves as low calorie, though they’ll include the alcohol content in the total amount. Alcohol, in case you are unaware, burns at 7 calories a gram, with fat at 9 calories a gram and both protein and carbohydrates at 4 calories a gram for reference. The difference between alcohol and the others is that they’re used by the body in different aspects: protein as building blocks, and carbs for both expended and storing energy (along with giving your guts something to snack on), and fat to keep everything lubed up, your brain working at 100%, and so certain vitamins are absorbed.

Alcohol, on the other hand, is not stored: it is burned for energy while it’s in your system, and once your liver is done processing it, it is expelled. Therefore, as far as my theory goes, it isn’t the alcoholic content in whatever you’re getting hammered om, rather the added carbs and sugar alongside it, whether it’s the extra wheat in your hefeweizen, the grape juice in your Zinfandel, and the orange juice in your gin and juice that are the real culprits in that beer belly.

To test this theory, I eschewed all forms of beer and wine, and only had just spirits (Bourbon and tequila, naturally), and spiked sparkling waters to get my own buzz on, chiefly Truly’s , which only have 1 gram of sugar to them. They’re rated at 100 calories, but given the above information, only the gram of sugar would really count toward your waistline, bringing it’s effective caloric content at about 4 grams a can.

The results: weighing in at roughly 200 pounds at the start, after losing 25 pounds previously with the Standard Diet alongside the weight training program, I dropped down to an average weight of 172, with the lowest reading at 170 pounds even, over the course of a little over 3 months. Call me kooky, but alongside with achieving the goal of Project Six Pack, albeit by a very thin margin, I’d call the diet a success!

I did, however, have an epiphany near the end of this diet and that was on the different types of carbs: sugar, starches and fiber. Sugar is the stuff that gets burned very quickly, spikes your insulin levels, and gets stored as fat if not totally used up, while fiber either gets digested by gut bacteria or passes through your system for the most part undigested. Starches, which make up the remaining carbs not specifically listed on nutritional facts, are much more complex than simple sugars, meaning that while they eventually are broken down, they take a lot longer to digest, and therefore don’t spike your insulin levels nearly as much, nor are stored as fat as quickly. This gave me an idea for a modified slightly less restrictive diet to test out, the only problem being it’s mighty hard to lose weight you don’t even have anymore. My solution?

The Let’s Get Fat But Not Gross Diet:

With the goal being to get back to the test weight of 200 pounds but not end up as the pear shaped teenage 200 pounder I was, everything from the standard diet is back on the menu with a couple of changes: 1. Less of an emphasis on getting energy calories from fats and more from carbs which had the added benefit of proving empiracally that fat does not, in fact, make you fat, along with putting delicious chili dogs back on the menu. 2. A slight amount of overeating: with the other diets, you simply eat until you’re no longer hungry, which is usually before you’re full; with this diet, you’re eating at least until you get the feeling of fullness, even slightly over, since the idea is to oversupply calories to your body to be stored. 3. More emphasis on junk foods: keeping in mind you’ll still be going along the lines of the junk food list above, since you still want to keep as healthy a diet as you can. Basically this gives you free reign on your snack drawer whenever you feel the urge! And 4. You’re allowed 2 full on cheat days, which means fast food is back on the table! Two caveats to this: 1. Continue to exercise! You don’t want to lose the hard earned musculature, nor your figure; the goal is just to pack on some padding. With the same goal in mind: 2. Keep your protein intake up, since that will help achieve the above goals, even when you can’t exercise or stay active for whatever outside reason.

Why would you consider this diet? Aside from the possibility you’re as nuts as I am and want to try out different diets, you might be gaining weight for a movie role, trying to get your partner to leave you (no judgment here), or get in or out of some contest or situation that requires you to maintain a certain weight. This method should help you achieve said nefarious goals without sacrificing your health or fitness, and make it easier to shed the pounds when you no longer need them. With my goal in mind, the desired weight range was reached, again, in just over the 3 month time period I gave myself, and I won’t lie: it was actually difficult to regain nearly 30 pounds in such a relatively short time period; I actually resorted to eating Arby’s on one of my cheat days (never let it be said that I’m not committed to getting results for your benefit!)

Having achieved the goal of regaining all that extra weight just to lose it again, what is this diet I thought of?

The Laid Back Cutting Diet: Similar to the Superior Cutting diet in that, most days, it’s fairly strict in following it. What sets it apart from it is 1. Most carbs that are mostly starch are A.O.K., such as potatoes, corn tortillas, bananas, etc., whereas they aren’t on the former diet. 2. This one has cheat days, albeit more along the lines of a relaxed stance of what you’re allowed to ingest rather than a free for all at the local buffet and bar. So once again, I gave myself a 3 month window to test it out, the goal again being to drop as much weight and fat as possible. Example dish: seasoned ground beef tacos with cheese, anaheim peppers and salsa, with a bourbon spiked seltzer on the rocks. Another would be italian sausage loaded mash potatoes, with pepper jack cheese, thick cut bacon and jalapenos, with a slightly chilled Men’s Room Original Red!

Results so far: initially I had the same results as I did with the more stringent diet plan, dropping 10 pounds within a month. But then the losses quickly slowed, with my current weight plateauing at approximately 185 pounds. The interesting thing is that, while I was still 15 pounds from my lightest weight, most of my six pack is visible even at the heavier weight, and I actually dropped down another size as far as my waistline goes (this experimentation is getting expensive), bringing me somewhere between 30-32, whereas my old waist size was a comfortable 38, 40 at my heaviest, about 36 when I started all of this.

My takeaway from this is two fold: 1. Since I more or less kept up my weight training regimen, only falling off a few weeks due to other projects, I continued to gain muscle mass during the time period I was on the Get Fat Diet, and at bare minimum maintained it during the Strict Cutting Diet, only putting on more with the last one. This leads to 2. What you eat may make even more of a difference than strict training, though that’s still the other side of the health coin: even when I was doing the Accidental Intermittent Meal Planning and not working out, I not only retained my figure, but my strength as well, slipping back into my regular routine as if I hadn’t let off. One final factor that might have made a difference is that, due to time constraints and riding conditions, I had to drop the cardio part pf my exercise regimen, which was cycling about 15 miles round trip, though a 3+ mile walk to and from the local bar 3 nights a week would’ve picked up some of the slack. So I’ll be taking that back up for a month or so, and see just how much of the extra weight is pure fat as opposed to muscle, of which I estimate to be about 5 pounds.

So keep this link handy and stay tuned: Project Six Pack Part 2 is on!


Sympathy’s For Losers: Laughter At Humanity Show Drunken Ranting Special

“Straight White Males are the most dangerous group in the world.” – THEE Ted Smith, paraphrased

Well this show went off the rails quickly, as I completely got side tracked from one of my favorite group of punching bags: the homeless, though I did pull it together enough to make some sort of argument about why Bernie Sanders might be the candidate the United States needs at the end! Is it O.K. to be white and male, and do any women deserve to be listen to when they blow the sexual assault whistle? Pour your finest anejo and listen to some very lighthearted topics, down below!

MP3: sympathy is for losers

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Thee Podcast:

The Pence Principle:



Anger’s Your Savior: Laughter At Humanity Show Just Order It Online Special

When it’s impossible to win the game by playing the rules, change the game.” – Grandmaster Dennis Horton

Plenty of life lessons were learned and cemented in my head this week, and here I am to pass them along to you; you’re very welcome! Is it worthgoing to a retail store to get your stuff anymore, and did someone get offended to the point of actually sliding into my Dm’s because I called him out on his shit? Tune in and find out below!

MP3 Download Here: Instagram fuckery

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Article discussed here:

Artist link: and can be found at @madebyjimbob

Shit Show Express: Laughter At Humanity Show Recording Marketing Fucktardery Special

“True Humility is the only antidote to shame.” – Iroh

(Show Note: the live recroding went too long to be uploaded as one show, so I had to break it up into two separate files.)

Well this show went off the rails quickly! So be forewarned: there were several technical failures live during the show, as the internet and bluetooth gremlins were very active during the recording of this show; the quality of these recordings range somewhere between below my already low standards and unlistenable slop. Are marketing professionals all they say they’re cracked up to be, and are youtube superchats just to harry youtube celebrities really worthwhile? Gird your earholes, take a shot of your finest well bourbon, and listen below!

Part One: Assplaining

Part Two: Clarey And Schulaner 2

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Find Nick Schulaner and his actual marketing services here:

Combat Martial Arguments: The Reality Of Dealing With Nitpickers

“Perfect is the enemy of good.” – Aaron Clarey

Special thanks to @consciouscarnivore for the article inspiration, as this started out as a back and forth me and her were having, that I figured would be worth covering here. I’ll be straight with you: Intellectual Openness, admitting that “the more you learn the less you realize you don’t know” and being open to the opinions and facts other have to share, that is a double edged sword.

On one end of the blade, when used correctly it keeps you from being complacent, ensuring you don’t stop and continue to grow. It is the humbleness that not only helps prevent you from thinking you “know enough” since there’s always more to learn and new information to discover, it also grants you the the ability to always find different and even unique ways in which to improve yourself. In that light, Intellectual Openness is a very important tool that makes the rest of your positive life directions possible: it’s pretty hard to, as an example, bench press 300 pounds when you have the mindset that 100 is enough, or worse, your built in maximum.

On the other end of the blade, however, is the “swamp of nitpicking”, where other people use it to tell you you “don’t know everything” and therefore listen to their opinion, which of course is always somehow the “correct one”. This can take many forms (which, since it is a form of sophistry, should come as no surprise), ranging from “well, your philosophy seems well intentioned, but it’s never been tried before”, or “well that’s a nice idea, but it wouldn’t work for [insert reasons here]”, or “I saw a study /anecdotal story that says [insert activity to criticize] isn’t as effective or more harmful than [insert alternate activity here]. Perhaps my favorite one is “well not every person (usually involving some group with whatever traits, whether they were born with or inflicted upon themselves) can do that the way you do it because [insert more reasons].

Sometimes it is a genuine person that really is trying to help you by offering constructive criticism, and that kind of feedback is worth it’s weight in bitcoin. Far more often than not, however, it is someone that is trying to throw sand in your gears and slow you down, possibly even to stop you. There are a few reasons people will do this: the most benign would be erroneously informed about whatever activity (let’s use one of mine, which is wearing weights during my daily*laughcoughs*nightly activities): the sheer amount of statements I got about how bad it would be on your joints or back (it should be noted almost everyone who said this was pretty overweighed themselves with weight you can’t simply take off), how bad it is for my hands (I still think that girl was turned on and couldn’t figure out why), stories of how a guy did what I’m doing and had to get knee surgery, etc. Those I can give a pass to: wrong as they might be, and though the effect is roughly the same, the intent isn’t malevolent.

The other two reasons I believe this behavior happens is, one worse than the other. 1. They want you to stop doing whatever it is out of fear and laziness: if it’s something noteworthy enough for them to get your attention and speak up about, chances are it’s something that requires mental, physical and intellectual rigor and discipline, possibly even a financial investment, some or all of which they are too lazy to do or even worse, makes them uncomfortable that you’re working to improve your life at a degree they’re unwilling to do themselves (True Story: a good friend of mine had one of her childhood friends literally tell her they couldn’t hang out anymore because she was getting in shape and it made her feel bad), and it is far easier to criticize and nitpick from the sidelines rather than take to the field.

Far more insidious than the previous would be reason 2. They have some sort of vested interest that your ideas or activities threaten, whether directly or merely perceived. This is what I would call one of many flavors of evil, because unlike the previous two, this person knows damn well what they’re doing, and would rather stall your progress rather than take responsibility (that’s a curse word these days I know: I’ll wait for you to recover) over what are likely bad life decisions that led to whatever vested interest they’re trying to protect, whether it’s something tangible, or their own damn feelings. Keep in mind that they are working from the opposite premise of philosophy which states that you start with a hypothesis and work towards a conclusion: they “have the correct conclusion”, and their goal is to use your Intellectual Openness to keep you from finding the correct one, or one at all for that matter. And they do this in 3 main ways:

1. Constantly switching arguments, aka the Argumentative Theory of Reasoning. Let’s use taxation as a light easy topical example. Let’s say you had the insane idea of not using a system to pay for various social costs that if you don’t pay into will end with you in jail or 6 feet under, and perhaps using a system where people voluntarily put money towards causes you believe in, like helping starving children. One argument that could be made for taxation is that there are programs available to help needy children, and the counter argument is that ever since said programs, which have been growing in number for decades, have the result of more kids starving than ever before. Do they address that counter argument, or do they jump right to another talking point, almost as if that argument never even happened? A slightly related tactic, usually not even worth pointing out, is when they simply repeat the previous point, as if you hadn’t said anything and that repeating the same talking point you just answered will change reality.

2. Death by a thousand nitpicks. It is far easier to destroy than it is to build. It is even easier to criticize an idea or argument than it is to conceptualize and analyze. For the “starving little Timmy” example, you could point out that when we actually had charitable organizations worth a damn, they would help families that have fallen on heard times. The nitpicking would take the form of “well “not all” (more on this in a moment) kids were helped, and they had to work as newsies or in coal mines where they were underpaid by the robber barons, and what about the kid whose parents dies or were terminally ill, you get the idea. The aim, of course, is to intice you into countering each and every single point individually so that you’re on the defense and therefore you can’t hold them to their own standards of an idea being perfect in order for it to be implemented. The aim, of course, is to hinder your argument to the point that it isn’t worth entertaining, if not to you, to any audience watching the debate, and certainly the person doing the nitpicking.

Alternatively, though related, they’ll try to get you to pursue perfection in your idea, usually in what seems like an encouraging tone. Your idea of voluntarily helping deserving families would miss some that deserve it, or they might not get enough to help “end childhood hunger” (more on that in a moment), therefore until that problem is fixed, we must use the tax system. The intent, of course, is that is a ever moving goalpost meaning were you to take this seriously you’d never get your idea out there, which leads to:

3. Using vague concepts instead of real world examples. This is a very tried, very true way of convincing people to vote against their best interests. For example: the phrase above “ending childhood hunger”. What exactly qualifies as a child that is indeed starving? Is this a kid that’s homeless, one of a littler of 13 kids by 19 fathers in section 8 housing, an orphaned evil genius, or even a child within a nuclear family in the middle of a recession? Or is this simply a term designed to evoke feelings of sympathy and shut down the part of the brain that uses critical thinking (which I bet is actually being bred out of humanity), so you are more agreeable with whatever social program proposed to save the “starving childwen”?

Alternatively, usually if the above tactics don’t have the desired effect, or the person really is that intellectually lazy, they’ll simply use labels in lieu of arguments, often labels preestablished as negative to society. If you’re against taking that rich white guys income to feed those poor kids, you must be pro big business and therefore hate the poor! And since you’re defending those evil white capitalists, you must be a far right wing fascist nazi that wants minorities to be slaves again. If you other people that voice the same arguments and bring data and evidence to back it up, and they committed the original sin of also being born with a pink penis that wants to ejaculate inside of a pink vagina, their arguments are also invalid because of a lack of melanin and a surplus of testosterone, whether they’re right or not. If someone comes to the same conclusion and either aren’t white or not male, they must be some kind of rare unicorn to have those views, because there’s no way they can think things differently from the culture they grew up with.

Side tangent aside, all of these tactics aren’t to help you or debate from a philosophical stance, but to push an agenda that most likely serves their best interests at the expense of yours. Now that you know how to spot them, how do you respond effectively? There’s a few I’ve either adopted or came up with that have served me well, the idea being akin to Combat Martial Arts rather than Movie/Sport/MMA Martial Arts: Rather than a cinematic visually appealing hand to hand duel (or these days, rolling around on a mat in an octagon) that most people associate with fighting, you quickly and effectively defeat and drop your opponent, because you don’t know when the rest of his buddies are coming with weapons.

Minding The Details: Let’s say you face the first tactic of getting machine gunned with different arguments. First, you have to nip that in the bud: I wouldn’t let it go beyond 3 examples. Once they give an argument or example, you counter it with whatever argument, and they attempt to move to a different one, stop them right there and say “excuse me, but I just answered your previous case: are you acknowledging my point as valid, or are you ignoring it completely?” If they have any integrity this will give them a mental jolt, because it’s likely they’re aware they’re even doing it. If they continue to try moving along, you can move along as well with your day because it isn’t worth your time, or you can use Aaron Clarey’s patented Betting Tactic, where you pick whatever point and you have them put money on whether they’re right or not; keep in mind it needs to be an objective provable fact. I personally haven’t had any takers:most either try to squirm out of it and eventually back off, get angry that I’d dare to charge them, or try another talking point, at which you can rinse and repeat the above.

Setting Hard Limits: The best way I’ve found to end it is to ask “how much is enough”. Back to Starving Tanner and the Nitpickers, let’s say the increasing pile of criticisms is starting to get to you, and it’s clear this person has an endless supply of them. What you can say is “O.K., so let’s say that voluntary charity won’t work so we need taxes: what percentage level of taxation would you be O.K. with to “end hunger”? Because it’s been increasing over the decades while the problem is getting worse: at what level would you feel better knowing that Landon will be able to eat?” Again, this usually catches them offguard, so they might throw a random number like 20%, which in the U.S. you can immediately counter with the fact that public spending per GDP is closer to 40%, so it’s already double what they think is enough. That should be all you need to end the debate, though they’ll likely try to squirm to some other figure or another argument, in which case you do what previous paragraph laid out.

Define Your Labels: again going back to the “calorically challenged”, you will commonly get concepts and labels of various vagueness that don’t tie into anything concrete. So you call them out on it: “so you’re all for spending other people’s money to “end childhood hunger”, how exactly do you determine that?” If they’re honest they might quote some statistics about household poverty or other sources of data, in which case you can have a conversation and tackle that directly. More likely is you’ll get more subjective pablum like “well 4 our of 10 households have to choose between their next meal or getting the kids a new jacket for the winter, and we believe no mother should have to make that choice.”, which sounds nice but dodges the question. Here you can ask where they got those numbers, which I wouldn’t recommend: instead I would press them harder on actually defining “childhood hunger”, and whatever answers they give for that you question them as well. Not only does this give you the image of actually being inquisitive, but it turns the tables and put them on the defense instead of you.

Against Me Argument: Coined by Stefan Molyneux, this is reserved mainly for Thanksgiving table arguments. The idea is to accept that whatever argument they have is correct, and whether they’re O.K. with living and let live with yours. The example being taxation: ” So you believe taking money from these groups of people to help out the children, and I accept that. Can we agree to disagree, and let me help out the needy in my own way? “No, you must contribute to my system to help the children!” ” So you’re willing to watch me get dragged off to jail or shot to death because I disagree with your system?” There really are only two responses to this: 1. they agree, in which case you can accurately call them a horrible person in front of everyone and disavow them, since why would you want to associate yourself with them. Or 2. if they value their relationship with you, let alone those around them, the reality of their system will set in, and they’ll be forced to reconsider their position. That would be the time to counteract, and reason with them if possible.

Short Circuiting: one of my favorite tactics to date, reserved for when you know reasoning will be a circular journey. Essentially you tailor a response designed to throw the conversation into a hard left turn that the opponent wasn’t expecting and therefore likely has no defense against, mine heavily favoring comparisons. Examples: this last family gathering one of the kids got into some lotion prompting the mom to spank her. I was standing with one of the family friends and said “yeah, hit the kids, because you can’t figure out how to explain that lotion isn’t food”, to which she replied “oh you know, it’s just a little boop”, doing the little swatting motion. Realizing early on reasoning was off the table, my immediate response was “yeah, just a little unwanted finger up the vagina isn’t so bad, it isn’t actually sexual assault and certainly not rape….” The intellectual discussion ended rather quickly, with her backing out with fan favorite phrases like “we just agree to disagree”, “we’re entitled to our opinions”, etc. It was really punching down with a well placed reverse punch, but since the nice conversation I had the last time didn’t exactly get through, switching to armor piercing rounds was justified to me.

Agree and Amplify: also a fan favorite, though not one I came up with. This is a style of responding to a loaded question, and one you can have a lot of fun with: essentially whatever statement or argument they make you take it and turn it up to 11. “How do you feel about women making $.85 for every dollar a man makes?” “I think that’s rather generous: they’re usually worth maybe $.63 for every dollar a man makes, and that’s if they’re not on the rag!” “So you agree with a system that promotes white supremacy!?” ” Damn straight, I love living in a pro white society that ended slavery: Have you seen what black people are doing in South Africa? We should have white people rule everything!” The true beauty of this tactic is that it takes whatever verbal weapon they were hoping to tag you with and turning it back upon them with even greater force; a true Aikido method of mental submission.

Humoring The Argument: this one can be a bit tricky to pull off, but the idea is to let them go along with their line of logic, and ask questions that pick apart their narrative bit by painful bit, to the point that it becomes ridiculous even to the most basic outside observer, or even them. “Do you believe that climate change is real?” “Well yeah, I thought the climate is always changing, isn’t that called seasons?” “You don’t know of anthropogenic catastrophic climate change? Fossil fuels are warming the atmosphere so fast the planet is in danger of exploding!” “Really? How are fossil fuels warming the planet?” “It puts co2 in the air which acts as a greenhouse gas that threatens all plant life!” “Really? Tell me more, because I was under the impression plants breathed co2 and do better in warmer climates, which is one reason greenhouses are a thing; are you saying that’s not the case?” “Well if the temperature goes too high parts of the earth will be uninhabitable!” “Wouldn’t that mean the colder climates would then be more habitable?” This one is also scalable, but if I’m using it I prefer to let them dig their own grave as deep as possible before adding nails to their coffin.

Mockery & Ridicule: For example, when someone, usually a woman, uses some phrase that blames men for whatever, like “well the man should/should’ve done _____”, the response is “yeah, put the responsibility all on men, because women are children; you can’t trust them with something like that!”. If someone is talking about banning whatever the next hot item is for firearms, “wow, why do you want women to get raped? I thought we wanted them to be equal and be able to defend themselves without relying on men.” “We need to ban plastic straw because environment!” “Yeah, we need at least 90% of the population wiped out via super world wide war/collapse of the economy so resources are scarce again, if that’s really worth complaining about.” “[Insert any complaint women have today about men]” “yeah I can’t imagine why I don’t take women seriously anymore: must just be because I’m sexist and evil or something….” You can deliver these with many kinds of structure and inflection, each giving it’s own spin to it, and while they may seem like just tactics to incite a negative response, I’ve found it can bring out an intrigued impression, as often that style is totally out of left field for them. And finally:

End Game Reasoning: similar to mockery and ridicule, but reserved for the ones that are sand in the engine and know it, there’s no getting through to them because of whatever reason, so you might as well have fun at their expense. There’s a few routes I like to take. One is to completely call out the argument and send it down in flames. “Would you please sign my petition to end childhood hunger?” “You mean vote to take other people’s money to pay a bunch of worthless parasites so maybe some of the money can get Little Timmy some applesauce? No thanks: if I’m gonna waste my time, it’ll be on something fun. Cheers!” “Did you know that Latina women make $.57 for every dollar a white male makes?” “Yeah, and half that number is probably earned by one lovely Latina in San Antonio, and the rest by lazy housekeepers and janitors that barely speak the host country’s language. That answer your question for you?” They might call you names or accuse you of some -ism, but most will know not to fuck with you further. And again, depending on how you tailor the response, you might shock them out of their routine and get them to inquire further.

There are other styles of tackling the nitpickers, naysayers, and otherwise slothful and dishonest people seeking to waste your time, but the idea is to use the weapons you have now, rather than the perfect ones you don’t. Best analogy I’ve heard so far is Stefan Molyneux’s, where he compares it to training a soldier to hit a melon at 30 yards to be considered ready for combat, then a golf ball at 40, then a marble at 50, then a live dragonfly at 75, and oh crap: either the enemy has already overrun your position or he’s too old to fight because his vision is gone. So the question is this my friends: are you willing to run with what’s good enough and learn along the way? Or will you forever be in argument purgatory, arguing until your finite time is gone?

Podcast Party Pandemonium: Laughter At Humanity Show On The Road Extravaganza

“When all’s said and done, all roads lead to the same end. So it’s not so much which road you take, as how you take it.” – Charles de Lint

FINALLY took some well earned, well needed time off to get out of the Pacific NorthWest to recoup some of my sanity. So how did I get away from driving for a living to go on vacation? If you guessed even more driving, you’d be correct! Is it worth going to a party some random podcast decided to throw in the middle of a desert, and how did the old family react to their own offspring growing into a real life cartoon villain? Line up a cavalcade of your finest scotches, because this is quite the journey to listen to, down below!

Episode 1: Shit Show Express! Albany!

Episode 2: Three Sheets Brewery! California!

Episode 3: Home Sweet Home! Vegas!

Episode 4: Gary And Dino! Gary & Dino!

Episode 5: Extreme Bar Takeover! Bar Take Over

Episode 6: The Party Continues! bonus hours!

Episode 7: Women’s Rolling Trainwreck! Sacramento!

(Show Note: I have no idea why I named that file Sacramento. Did pass through that city and it’s rush hour traffic however, so maybe that’s why.)

Episode 8: Escaping Communist California! Lancaster!

Episode 9: Oregonian Fire Bender! Oregonian Firebender!

Episode 10: Returning Home Intact! Touchdown!

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Harassing Instagram Models: Laughter At Humanity Show July 4th Postmortem Special

“The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.” -Rich Cooper

Did you guys make it through the 4th Of July Weekend without losing any digits or in desperate need of skin grafts? I did, and had some delicious wagyu bavette steak strips to boot! Can you tell whether a girl puts in the work at the gym from pics alone, and can guys act like women and be retarded enough to spend money on the dumbest things imaginable? Take yourself a couple shots of 100% agave tequila and listen, down below!

Download Here: July 4th post mortem 1

Direct Listen Here:

Models: @daretaylorofficial, @daniellachavezofficial, @sugartabi.

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