How Movember Highlights Social Male Disposability

In case you somehow skipped beyond the title and into this paragraph, I actually participated in the Movember Movement, which centers on men growing out their facial hair for the entire month of November to raise awareness of the medical issues unique to males, most notably prostate and testicular cancer, but has now grown to issues such as the disproportionate and meteoritic rise of suicide, poorer mental health, and a shorter than average life along with  worse long term health for those that don’t off themselves.

If you know me, you know I generally keep fairly clean shaven, the difference between my skin tone and my hair color is fairly contrasted, and that my facial hair grows pretty quickly. As such, once I stopped shaving and let things grow ‘au naturel’, it got pretty noticeable pretty quickly; I had at least an 8 O’clock shadow by day 5. Furthermore, I interact with a lot of people during my day, many of which know me personally. If I had to guess, I’d say about 100 people minimum I see weekly that at least recognize me.  Care to take a guess on how many people guessed why I was suddenly growing out my facial hair, on November, after keeping it cut for so long?

One person. One.

That person was one of the people I work with. None of my family (save for those I told ahead of time), none of my work people, none of the other people I interact with on an almost daily basis, none of them even asked about it. Even today, when I finally shaved, there was no question of it. Now I’m sure part of it has to do with living in a city where beards are prevalent, and people know me for doing things that don’t exactly go along with social norms, so surely at least some of them wouldn’t bat an eye to this. But for almost nobody save one person to even ask, that says a lot.

Now maybe that’s not a shock to you, or even that important. What does it matter if people can’t figure out what my facial hair pattern mean, right? Try using that argument on me wearing any amount of pink in October. I could’ve worn a pink shirt with a picture of a live vagina on it with the caption “this is what my dick was in last night”, and the most common comment I would get is “oh, that’s for breast cancer? Great!”, as long as I wear it within a few weeks of Halloween. The reality is that when it comes to women’s health, in particular breast cancer, it is given the utmost exposure. Every year you see the merchandise roll out, the various wrist bands, ribbons and T-shirts with bad puns. You’ll see your favorite football player and race car wearing pink paint. You’ll see the hipster douche(ette) that cut you off in traffic has a pink ribbon bumper sticker. It’s funny that it’s even called an “Awareness” campaign anymore, given that even outside of October, anytime you see the color pink, you think of breasts, and maybe cancer.

Compare that with the Movember Movement. Maybe I was an anomaly, as per usual. Maybe I would let this go as a fluke. But this is far from the first time I’ve seen an issue that negatively affects men be ignored, swept under the rug, attacked for not being a real issue, or even be accused of getting in the way of issues that affect women. Every time I’ve brought up child support and alimony, I’m told that it’s the guy’s fault and women need the money. When I talk about how men die earlier it’s explained away as “guys being guys.” Talk about how men are portrayed in commercials and T.V. shows as buffoons, and you get the immediate comparisons on how women are objectified. Talk about any issue that affects men, and it is ignored, shut down, or switched to the topic of issues that affect women instead. In other words, if it matters to men, but doesn’t directly affect women, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t even get talked about. That’s what the Movember Movement is trying to promote.

The two most common cancers men get are testicular and prostate cancer, in that order. 90 men a day commit suicide; over 3,000 men a year die for no good reason. There are ways to mitigate these losses of precious human life, and the information is out there, yet it isn’t talked about. These lives are being lost in part because it, frankly, isn’t deemed that important. And in my opinion,. It’s because none of these affect women. Women of course don’t have prostates or testicles (well, most don’t), so they have no worry about them. Women aren’t the ones killing themselves at a rate of one every 16 seconds. But women do have large breasts in comparison to men, along with ovaries and cervixes that men don’t have, and those getting cancer get a lot more attention to put it mildly. This lack of attention needs to stop. Not just because of how it affects half the population, but because it affects the entire population.

You may be a woman reading this. You likely don’t have a prostate or balls, so you can’t get that kind of cancer. But your father can. Your brother, your cousins, your uncle, your boss, your lover or husband or partner, your sons, all of them can be affected by this. All of them can be taken by these ailments. All of them can fall victim to the many circumstances that cause many men to believe life is no longer worth living anymore despite how much YOU may depend on them. And of course, whatever your beliefs on gender roles and politics are, understand that many of what all of us enjoy and take for granted today was won through the blood, sweat, tears, time and energy of the men that worked and died for them. They, we, work hard to make life better not just for ourselves, but you as well. Yet men are treated as disposable. I understand the genetics behind it, that guys are meant to be the risk takers and women are traditionally the protected ones that make the house. I get that. But understand, that does not make men disposable; by being the protectors and providers, men are just as, if not more so, as important as women are in society.

I understand the need to combat things like breast and ovarian cancer. That’s a horrible way to go, and it deserves all the attention and resources needed to stop it. What affects women is worthy of awareness. What affects men is just as deserving. I wouldn’t want my mom, my sister, my aunts and cousins, my friends, my partner, to get sick, suffer and die, just because no one spared a thought about what they could suffer through. Please don’t make my father, my brothers, my uncles and cousins, your partner, and your own sons suffer that fate.

We’re all supposed to be equal these days. Don’t we all deserve the same care?

How Andrea Wesley fares on the Bacon Dating Index

O.K., 1. That’s not the official name of this test; its a working one. 2. I’m no where near done with all of what needs to be said about the election fallout; I wanted a lighter subject to talk about to break up the monotony, and she seems like a good one to pick.

If you don’t know who she is, Andrea Wesley is a columnist in Vancouver, B.C. for, and appears to have written for as well. Recently she gained a bit of notoriety from a blog post of hers being featured on the Tom Leykis Show, titled “If you want to have sex with me but won’t date me, you’re a piece of shit.” If you heard the show, the cases and speculation on her and her character are made pretty clear, and if you haven’t heard it I suggest you go do so. Basically, her post talks about what she believes guys should do to date her and how what they do makes them worth having sex with, one of the main points she makes being having a commitment to her.

Since her focus is on guys proving they should desire a relationship with her, I think she would benefit from using my guide on judging women you date is appropriate here, found here:

The guidelines are explained in detail there but basically it goes off of 4 aspects of any sexual relationship, graded on a scale of 10: Her beauty, sexual performance, personal relationship, and autonomy and independence from you. Since I have never met Andrea, I can really only judge her on 2 aspects, but given those tell you if you want to continue to be with a woman you’re interested in, I’d take these as fairly important. So here goes, my personal assessment of Andrea Wesley:

  1. Physical beauty:

The first thing you see, after all, the cover of the book that incites you to peruse the pages. I found her on Facebook and she does have a few pictures up to make some base judgments from.

Total score: 6/10

Head, 2/3: The majority of her pictures are headshots, so this is the easiest to judge. At first glance, she seems to have a pretty face; nothing spectacular, but not too bad either. But if you look a bit closer, you may notice almost every close picture of her has that beauty filter over it, which basically makes her face a bit fuzzy. That tells me she has facial imperfections she’s trying to hide, though she has a great smile. Furthermore, you can see the hanging chin she has that belies a natural tendency to store extra weight, which will be important later. Her hair is fairly good quality, by she keeps it a bit short. At least she has all of it, without one side shaved.

Breasts, 1/2: she only has 2 pics that show any kind of cleavage, and while both outfits in the pics emphasize it, there simply doesn’t appear to be much there. I’m willing to have faith in them having a great shape, but they’re small at best.

Butt, 0.5/2: She has one picture that shows her on a beach in a bikini, on her stomach (something that will be important later). Frankly, while widthwise she does have an ass, there’s just no shape there, at least not one that is desirable.

Body, 2.5/3: Like stated before, most of her pics are glamour selfies, meaning she’s hiding her body. The one full body she does have, combined with the shape of her face and arms, shows that while she may be holding off a lot of weight gain, she’s losing that fight, and it’s starting to show. Still, she deserves credit for effort.

So not completely unpalatable, but no knockout either. The bigger issue, in my opinion, isn’t that she’s not that hot; the problem is that she appears to hide a lot of her appearance, while really dressing up what she does have to offer. And that says a lot more about her than her visual mediocrity.

2. Personal Relationship: 2/10

Again, I don’t know Andrea personally. All I have to go off of are what she writes about online. Therefore, I can’t really get into detail on how she really falls on this scale. What I can see is that just about everything she writes about is about relationships between men and women, from a women’s perspective. That’s understandable, until you actually read what she is saying. Take the following titles of her work, aside from the “If you want to have sex with me but won’t date me, you’re a piece of shit.” one, as an example:

“If He’s calling you crazy, he doesn’t deserve you.”

“ If he’s not dating you properly, don’t date him at all.”

“Following these 10 commandments will keep the assholes away.”

“If he’s not giving you the commitment you want, get out of his life ASAP.”

“Guys, enough with the sex emphasis-I’m a person, not a piece of meat.”

“Stop answering that guy that texts you late at night-You’re worth more than a hookup.”

“I don’t want just anyone-I’m just fine on my own until the right guy comes along.”

“12 things I’d rather do than date one more asshole.”

That’s just a few that stand out from her most recent page. Here’s a couple from her earliest works:

“6 ways women undermine each other & why it needs to stop.”

“Most dating advice is outdated and it’s time to get over it.”

“10 ways being single long term makes you feel sexually awkward.”

“Who cares if you have sex on the first date?”

“10 struggles every opinionated woman faces on a daily basis.” (It should be noted, just because it’s politically incorrect here, that her cover pictures for these are almost always pictures of women that are more attractive than she is, in my humble opinion.)

“Brutally Honest confessions from the damaged single girl.”

“What you need to know about guys who are greedy in bed.”

“The ultimate ‘he hasn’t texted back’ survival guide.”

I could go on and on and on and on, but based on just this, it’s clear that, in my opinion, she is a woman that has a lot of experience ‘dating’ short term, using that for whatever means she did to get what she wanted, and has since, for whatever reason, decided she needs a more long term relationship. She’s gone from the girl that asks who cares if you fuck on the first date, has dealt with guys that are “greedy” in bed, and even confesses to being a “damaged” single girl, to someone that has enough experience that she now has two tablets worth of commandments to keep “assholes” away, is tired of being considered a “piece of meat”, now knows not to answer late night texts for just a hook up, and again has a 12 point long list of things she’d rather do than date one more asshole. Perhaps she has more to add to this that puts this in a different perspective, but this looks like someone that, as of a year ago when she started writing this, she was on the tail end of just hooking up. At the time of this, she appears to be 31 years old, right around the age that many women get what is called “baby rabies”, a condition where a woman realizes she only has a few years left to have a healthy baby before her eggs start to lose quality and dry up. Hence, the change of her talking about the single girl life to her near dedication of talking about “finding the right one” and “if you aren’t into commitment and just want to have sex, you’re a piece of shit”. It seems mean spirited, but once you realize that 1. Her looks are fading, and 2. She’s running out of time to become a mother whether that’s what she wants or not, her behavior of switching from ”fucking anyone she can warp her legs around” to “I need a guy to settle down with” becomes much more understandable. The problem I think she’s running into is that, since she has spent most of her time capitalizing on her looks and sexual value to get what she wants from the men she hooked up with, that time spent doing so wasn’t spent on learning other skills and traits that would make her desirable for, say, marriage, and since the looks and sexual value she has been relying on are starting to fall, and she hasn’t gotten into a committed relationship or family as of yet, her time to get that is running out.

As far as that reflects on her score on a personal relationship, I seriously doubt we would have little in common; though I do agree with some of what she talks about, and I have no doubt she could give quite the ride in bed, we would have little in common, and if by some random chance we were to meet up, the most she could hope for is a one night stand, maybe a weekend of fun. But if my observation of her mindset, along with her covered up looks are in any way accurate, there’s no way I would stick around for any kind of relationship; her attitude towards men and relationships and her fading looks would in all honesty make it hard to even get it up for her, the attitude being the major boner killer. And I may just be the one asshole saying this, but if any of what she has been writing about isn’t complete satire, a lot of other guys have come to the exact same conclusion and have used her for sex, if not side stepped her completely.

If I had to nail down one problem she has right now, aside from the above, it’s the other message she conveys with her writing along with her pictures: it’s all about her. Though she writes as a third person in the interest of women in general, all of it is clearly about what men should do, what women want, why women shouldn’t do things for certain men, why men are assholes, what men need to do to be deserving of women, etc. In short, like with what many women say, the responsibility of any relationship of any kind, falls upon the man. If there’s a problem, it’s because of the man, and the man must be the one to fix things. What that means is that, as a woman, she has little to no responsibility of her own to make the relationship any better. Even forgetting about looks, if one person, man or woman, isn’t willing to make an equal effort to make the relationship better, they are a net negative to said relationship. And unless she has a man that can’t do any better than literally and figuratively pay for a “used model”, no one else would stand for this and look elsewhere.

Hey, Andrea, I am now talking to you. If you are reading this, congratulations, you made it this far without rage quitting and calling me 500 different kind of phobists! Please continue, for I have no ill will towards you:

I wrote this in order to help you. I understand this may seem like I’m attacking you for no reason, or that I’m a Leykis listener, but that’s not the case. In fact, the enitre reason I made that guide on judging women guys date was not only to help guys choose a woman that best fits them, but also for women to understand what they do and don’t offer, and how they can improve themselves in order to have a relationship with a guy they care about. I understand it is one sided, but I’m also not a girl that dates guys, and since for all of history it has been men that have been the seekers of women, it is more important, in my opinion, that guys understand what they should look for when hunting, so to speak. You do not score well at the moment, and you look like you will continue to get worse: you’re a 6 at best on the looks scale, and your mind is seemingly focused on what guys aren’t giving you instead of dinner and splooge. But if no one tells you this, and everyone keeps telling you that “You can have it all!”, you won’t get the feedback you need to adjust yourself accordingly, and you will  end up alone and unhappy, or with a loser, and even more unhappy.

So the choice is yours, Andrea. You don’t have to listen to anything I said here, you can throw it all away as the rantings of some asshole on the internet. Or you can listen to at least some of it, and maybe wonder where you are going wrong. And again, unless I’m missing something, and please correct me where I am wrong, you are headed toward a path of your own personal darkness. You’re running out of time. Think wisely.