Laughter At Humanity Show

How Andrea Wesley fares on the Bacon Dating Index

O.K., 1. That’s not the official name of this test; its a working one. 2. I’m no where near done with all of what needs to be said about the election fallout; I wanted a lighter subject to talk about to break up the monotony, and she seems like a good one to pick.

If you don’t know who she is, Andrea Wesley is a columnist in Vancouver, B.C. for thebolde.com, and appears to have written for yourtango.com as well. Recently she gained a bit of notoriety from a blog post of hers being featured on the Tom Leykis Show, titled “If you want to have sex with me but won’t date me, you’re a piece of shit.” If you heard the show, the cases and speculation on her and her character are made pretty clear, and if you haven’t heard it I suggest you go do so. Basically, her post talks about what she believes guys should do to date her and how what they do makes them worth having sex with, one of the main points she makes being having a commitment to her.

Since her focus is on guys proving they should desire a relationship with her, I think she would benefit from using my guide on judging women you date is appropriate here, found here:

https://thegoddamnbacon.com/how-to-judge-women-you-date-an-objective-guide

The guidelines are explained in detail there but basically it goes off of 4 aspects of any sexual relationship, graded on a scale of 10: Her beauty, sexual performance, personal relationship, and autonomy and independence from you. Since I have never met Andrea, I can really only judge her on 2 aspects, but given those tell you if you want to continue to be with a woman you’re interested in, I’d take these as fairly important. So here goes, my personal assessment of Andrea Wesley:

  1. Physical beauty:

The first thing you see, after all, the cover of the book that incites you to peruse the pages. I found her on Facebook and she does have a few pictures up to make some base judgments from.

Total score: 6/10

Head, 2/3: The majority of her pictures are headshots, so this is the easiest to judge. At first glance, she seems to have a pretty face; nothing spectacular, but not too bad either. But if you look a bit closer, you may notice almost every close picture of her has that beauty filter over it, which basically makes her face a bit fuzzy. That tells me she has facial imperfections she’s trying to hide, though she has a great smile. Furthermore, you can see the hanging chin she has that belies a natural tendency to store extra weight, which will be important later. Her hair is fairly good quality, by she keeps it a bit short. At least she has all of it, without one side shaved.

Breasts, 1/2: she only has 2 pics that show any kind of cleavage, and while both outfits in the pics emphasize it, there simply doesn’t appear to be much there. I’m willing to have faith in them having a great shape, but they’re small at best.

Butt, 0.5/2: She has one picture that shows her on a beach in a bikini, on her stomach (something that will be important later). Frankly, while widthwise she does have an ass, there’s just no shape there, at least not one that is desirable.

Body, 2.5/3: Like stated before, most of her pics are glamour selfies, meaning she’s hiding her body. The one full body she does have, combined with the shape of her face and arms, shows that while she may be holding off a lot of weight gain, she’s losing that fight, and it’s starting to show. Still, she deserves credit for effort.

So not completely unpalatable, but no knockout either. The bigger issue, in my opinion, isn’t that she’s not that hot; the problem is that she appears to hide a lot of her appearance, while really dressing up what she does have to offer. And that says a lot more about her than her visual mediocrity.

2. Personal Relationship: 2/10

Again, I don’t know Andrea personally. All I have to go off of are what she writes about online. Therefore, I can’t really get into detail on how she really falls on this scale. What I can see is that just about everything she writes about is about relationships between men and women, from a women’s perspective. That’s understandable, until you actually read what she is saying. Take the following titles of her work, aside from the “If you want to have sex with me but won’t date me, you’re a piece of shit.” one, as an example:

“If He’s calling you crazy, he doesn’t deserve you.”

“ If he’s not dating you properly, don’t date him at all.”

“Following these 10 commandments will keep the assholes away.”

“If he’s not giving you the commitment you want, get out of his life ASAP.”

“Guys, enough with the sex emphasis-I’m a person, not a piece of meat.”

“Stop answering that guy that texts you late at night-You’re worth more than a hookup.”

“I don’t want just anyone-I’m just fine on my own until the right guy comes along.”

“12 things I’d rather do than date one more asshole.”

That’s just a few that stand out from her most recent page. Here’s a couple from her earliest works:

“6 ways women undermine each other & why it needs to stop.”

“Most dating advice is outdated and it’s time to get over it.”

“10 ways being single long term makes you feel sexually awkward.”

“Who cares if you have sex on the first date?”

“10 struggles every opinionated woman faces on a daily basis.” (It should be noted, just because it’s politically incorrect here, that her cover pictures for these are almost always pictures of women that are more attractive than she is, in my humble opinion.)

“Brutally Honest confessions from the damaged single girl.”

“What you need to know about guys who are greedy in bed.”

“The ultimate ‘he hasn’t texted back’ survival guide.”

I could go on and on and on and on, but based on just this, it’s clear that, in my opinion, she is a woman that has a lot of experience ‘dating’ short term, using that for whatever means she did to get what she wanted, and has since, for whatever reason, decided she needs a more long term relationship. She’s gone from the girl that asks who cares if you fuck on the first date, has dealt with guys that are “greedy” in bed, and even confesses to being a “damaged” single girl, to someone that has enough experience that she now has two tablets worth of commandments to keep “assholes” away, is tired of being considered a “piece of meat”, now knows not to answer late night texts for just a hook up, and again has a 12 point long list of things she’d rather do than date one more asshole. Perhaps she has more to add to this that puts this in a different perspective, but this looks like someone that, as of a year ago when she started writing this, she was on the tail end of just hooking up. At the time of this, she appears to be 31 years old, right around the age that many women get what is called “baby rabies”, a condition where a woman realizes she only has a few years left to have a healthy baby before her eggs start to lose quality and dry up. Hence, the change of her talking about the single girl life to her near dedication of talking about “finding the right one” and “if you aren’t into commitment and just want to have sex, you’re a piece of shit”. It seems mean spirited, but once you realize that 1. Her looks are fading, and 2. She’s running out of time to become a mother whether that’s what she wants or not, her behavior of switching from ”fucking anyone she can warp her legs around” to “I need a guy to settle down with” becomes much more understandable. The problem I think she’s running into is that, since she has spent most of her time capitalizing on her looks and sexual value to get what she wants from the men she hooked up with, that time spent doing so wasn’t spent on learning other skills and traits that would make her desirable for, say, marriage, and since the looks and sexual value she has been relying on are starting to fall, and she hasn’t gotten into a committed relationship or family as of yet, her time to get that is running out.

As far as that reflects on her score on a personal relationship, I seriously doubt we would have little in common; though I do agree with some of what she talks about, and I have no doubt she could give quite the ride in bed, we would have little in common, and if by some random chance we were to meet up, the most she could hope for is a one night stand, maybe a weekend of fun. But if my observation of her mindset, along with her covered up looks are in any way accurate, there’s no way I would stick around for any kind of relationship; her attitude towards men and relationships and her fading looks would in all honesty make it hard to even get it up for her, the attitude being the major boner killer. And I may just be the one asshole saying this, but if any of what she has been writing about isn’t complete satire, a lot of other guys have come to the exact same conclusion and have used her for sex, if not side stepped her completely.

If I had to nail down one problem she has right now, aside from the above, it’s the other message she conveys with her writing along with her pictures: it’s all about her. Though she writes as a third person in the interest of women in general, all of it is clearly about what men should do, what women want, why women shouldn’t do things for certain men, why men are assholes, what men need to do to be deserving of women, etc. In short, like with what many women say, the responsibility of any relationship of any kind, falls upon the man. If there’s a problem, it’s because of the man, and the man must be the one to fix things. What that means is that, as a woman, she has little to no responsibility of her own to make the relationship any better. Even forgetting about looks, if one person, man or woman, isn’t willing to make an equal effort to make the relationship better, they are a net negative to said relationship. And unless she has a man that can’t do any better than literally and figuratively pay for a “used model”, no one else would stand for this and look elsewhere.

Hey, Andrea, I am now talking to you. If you are reading this, congratulations, you made it this far without rage quitting and calling me 500 different kind of phobists! Please continue, for I have no ill will towards you:

I wrote this in order to help you. I understand this may seem like I’m attacking you for no reason, or that I’m a Leykis listener, but that’s not the case. In fact, the enitre reason I made that guide on judging women guys date was not only to help guys choose a woman that best fits them, but also for women to understand what they do and don’t offer, and how they can improve themselves in order to have a relationship with a guy they care about. I understand it is one sided, but I’m also not a girl that dates guys, and since for all of history it has been men that have been the seekers of women, it is more important, in my opinion, that guys understand what they should look for when hunting, so to speak. You do not score well at the moment, and you look like you will continue to get worse: you’re a 6 at best on the looks scale, and your mind is seemingly focused on what guys aren’t giving you instead of dinner and splooge. But if no one tells you this, and everyone keeps telling you that “You can have it all!”, you won’t get the feedback you need to adjust yourself accordingly, and you will  end up alone and unhappy, or with a loser, and even more unhappy.

So the choice is yours, Andrea. You don’t have to listen to anything I said here, you can throw it all away as the rantings of some asshole on the internet. Or you can listen to at least some of it, and maybe wonder where you are going wrong. And again, unless I’m missing something, and please correct me where I am wrong, you are headed toward a path of your own personal darkness. You’re running out of time. Think wisely.

How Social Justice Censorship leads to Violence

I have to be annoying to you; though the following is something I cannot enforce, it is something that is imperative for you to understand where I am coming from when I say what I about to say, for the message to really sink in. Before you continue, I want you to take a walk. Look at your possessions, the people in your life, the family under your roof, the plans you have for the future. Walk through your house and take inventory of all you hold dear, all you control, whether you want it or not. The pictures of your family, the Playstation you play when you come from work, the car you wrench on in the garage, your  wife or husband, perhaps, in the bedroom, the kids asleep in their own room. Your bank account, the wine cellar, the 85” flatscreen, the wardrobe you put together over the years. Even the little things like the coffee machine, the lunch packed in the fridge, the half-eaten bag of Fritos in the corner. Really take in all of it, everything in your domain. This article can wait until you do so; I literally walked my own grounds, so to speak, before I started this, so feel free to take it all in before you come back to this.

Everyone back? All two of you? Great! I have yet to annoy you again! Though I promise, this is also essential to understanding the purpose of this article. I was trained in various forms of violence, and one of my instructors always pushed this principle on me, among others: “The first line of defense you have is your voice.” You use your voice to address that which you perceive to be a threat before you use your wrist mounted missle launchers, the idea being that your voice would stop those that didn’t really mean to use physical violence against you. Keep this in mind as well, it is very important.

If you’re reading this, chances are you live in the USA. We have many rights here, and literally the first one we have is called the First Amendment. You can go read it for yourself, but basically it says we have the right to express ourselves in any way we see fit, so long as it does not directly harm others. In other words, as long as there is no force behind the expression, it is legal, whether you agree with it or not. And everyone here in this country, and many outside of it, agrees with this: maybe the guy yelling “Fire!” in a crowded theater is an asshole, but you should be able to express yourself without being carried off to the patriotic gulag.

Another, very crucial part of freedom of expression is to point out when something is going wrong, particularly when it isn’t a popular opinion. The reason free speech needs to be lawfully protected today, after all, isn’t to defend against speech everyone likes, but that which everyone doesn’t like; no one feels threatened by “You look nice today”, as much as they would ” Good Lord, you look like shit!”. It is when you use your speech as a warning that it’s uncomfortable, and therefore is at its most valuable; because it precedes, and often is used to circumvent, violence. To ask most people, they would agree this is a good thing; everyone champions freedom of speech, after all. That is, until its called racist.

See, speech is free, until you give it a label that’s socially unacceptable. You talk about a group of thugs that destroyed a town, that may be O.K., until you point out many of them were black, or Hispanic, at which point it’s racist. You talk about the stupid people that spend tens of thousands of dollars going to college for degrees that are worthless, but if you point out many of them are women, you are sexist. You point out how many people that come to this country today don’t contribute more than they take, but if you say anything about them being from the Middle East, you’re a islamophobe. The examples are nearly endless, but you get the idea. Which is that, if someone says something you don’t like, if you call it ‘racist’, ‘sexist’, ‘’misogynist’, homophobic’, ‘islamophobic’, and any type of ‘-ist’ or ‘-phobe’, suddenly it’s not O.K. And many work so well, because like I said before, these play on your emotions, your primal urges; they skip past your rational and logical thinking to get there.

In other words: if you give something a specific label it is no longer free speech. It is classified as hate speech, which is now illegal. Therefore, even if it is factually true, you can be stopped from saying it; if not by legal means, then by social pressure, personal attacks, doxxing and the loss of your career and family, and other weapons of the social justice warrior witch hunters. When you can classify what you don’t like as hate speech, you can effectively censor it. If you have half a brain that works at a least 25% efficiency, you may realize this as the opposite of the 1st Amendment.

Now, is this a problem? Sure, if someone says something that offends you, or makes you feel bad, of course you may feel they shouldn’t say what they said, even if it was correct. No one likes being hurt after all; that’s a normal reaction, and it’s natural to avoid that which brings you pain, including the verbal variety. The problem is when that speech is A. Being used as a warning against a growing problem, and B. When it is used as self defense. In both cases, it is the first line of defense, and in both cases, if it has either failed or has been disabled, the next logical step is violence. Indeed, if you are not allowed to speak your mind, you either commit violence, or you allow it to happen without mitigation.

This may seem conspiratorial, if you haven’t given stuff like this much thought. But understand this isn’t some pet theory cooked up; this has happened throughout history, though many civilizations. The most glaring is the former Soviet Union: if you spoke out about a policy the government had that you thought was a bad idea, you would be rounded up by the KGB and he questioned intensely if you were lucky, and chances were they found out because your neighbors ratted you out. Same thing in North Korea; talk about how there’s not much to eat but rocks, and pretty soon you’ll be stoned with said local cuisine. The same happened in Venezuela, Much of Africa, the old Vietnam, many Middle Eastern states, and other dictatorial countries: you take away the power of the voice, and you are left with violence.

Now conversely, what have the western countries done that have made them different? You can argue that they have had their fair share of aggression and violence, and I would agree with you, but one thing that stands out is that there is reason. There is the ability to say what you believe is true, and put it out amongst competing theories and have it proven either true or false, without persecution. The ideas can be pointed out as wrong and immoral, but they couldn’t be censored. Until the last decade.

Who is doing this? I have tried to be nonpartisan about this, but I can’t not say this: look to your local media source. Whether it’s your friends in Facebook and Instagram and Twitter, whether it’s the mainstream media like Fox, CNN, MSNBC, BBC, whether its Gawker, Deadspin, Salon, Cracked, whether its tabloids like Daily Mail, The National Enquirer, Globe, whether it’s movies that are blockbusters or indie hits, they all tell you what you can and cannot say, whether you realize it or not. They tell you what is wrong to say out loud and, should someone overhear you, there shall be consequences to pay. And you wouldn’t want to have that happen, would you?

Well, yeah, maybe you should. Maybe you should stand up and say what you believe. Maybe you should speak your mind, if only to find out if you are right or wrong. If only to defend yourself and your self interests verbally. If only to protect your family. Because if that fails, or more importantly, if you are NOT allowed to use words to express and defend yourself, violence is right around the corner.

Now comes the reason why I asked you to take inventory of the things you love about your life: I did that myself, right after I typed it. Call me a weirdo: I take my integrity very seriously. I looked at my entire apartment: the main room where most of my electronics are, like my computers, T.V., PS3, chargers. My kitchen, decked out with a top of the line microwave, my old range top oven, coffee maker and grinder, a fridge and freezer full of hundreds of dollars of premium meats that took months to find, a deep fryer with oil that took hours upon hours to make, utensils that took months to find and master. A bathroom that not only makes pooping bearable, but almost a joy; one that makes showering not only a pleasure, but cheap, even for hours. Plenty of knick knacks I have found over the years that are unique, quirky, and make me laugh. A bedroom that I could sleep in and have sex for days without the slightest discomfort, with everything I could want not more than 10 paces away, or less than a mile if I had to leave the house. In said bed is a wonderful girl from Russia that makes me happy, who has her own goals in life and makes living here even better.

Outside there are my bikes, and my car, all of which are technological exercises and labors of love, not to mentions sources of income. Speaking of which, the job I have now is one I love doing, is something I have the skills to be the best at it, and one everyone love; even if it could be considered inconsequential, people are usually happy to see me. And that doesn’t even mention my family: though I don’t see many of them today, I still get to stay in contact with then, even if only fleetingly. I have great fulfillment and purpose in my life. And I would mourn, grieve, and be very, very pissed, if that life were to come to an end.

Would you?

Look at your own life. Look at your loved ones. Look at your career, your home, your car, your neighborhood. Look at that rec room, that man cave, that cute breakfast nook. Look at your significant other, your spouse, your children, their children. Look at the plans you have for the future, what you have to look forward to. Now look at me, my crazy Facebook profile pic, when I tell you this:

YOU are gambling all of that. YOU are putting your own livelihood at risk. YOU are placing everything you hold dear at the mercy of certain destruction.

Because you cannot, or will not, defend yourself with words, with your voice, you will have to use your hands. Look at how a dog, a cat, a snake acts: they bark, hiss or rattle before they have to strike, precisely because that’s preferable to actual violence. If under threat, if you have no voice to use you have no choice but to use violence, and to use violence is to put in jeopardy all you hold dear. Therefore, those that oppose free speech are indirectly responsible for the use of violence, and are indirectly responsible for the loss of property or life as a result. Whether they believe in hate speech or not is irrelevant.

Now, I ask you: look at what you have been told to believe. If you want to make it about this election, since it’s such a good example, look at what Trump was portrayed as versus Clinton. Where one has been portrayed as an unstable pussy grabbing egotist, the other has been proven as a compromised corrupted warmonger. One looks weird and makes assholish tweets, the other is threatening war with the other world nuclear superpower. Which one do you oppose: the one that you can prove is logically evil, or the one that makes you feel angry?

I hate to put it like that, and to make it political, but this is a great way to point out how A. How emotion is used against you to trump (Ha!) facts, and B. How if you oppose those flaws, and it can be called racist sexist, misogynist, homophobic, etc, it will be shut down.

So what happens when you cannot use words to defend yourself? What happens when there is no diplomacy is that there is violence in it’s stead. Look at what you hold dear again. Really, take your time; peruse the labors of your love and hard work. Are you willing to risk violence, to spare your feelings? Are you willing to come to blows because you could not come to terms with reason?

Are you willing to destroy your life, and the lives of loved ones, because you could not speak out? Will you throw all you have away because you were offended?

Will you defend your life, or be silenced into destruction?

How My Experience as a 5 year old Mirrors the Trump Election Reaction

I’ve been watching a lot of you panicking about this election, and I’d like to help you, so please hear me out on this. To be honest up front: I’ve enjoyed watching the mass hysteria this election has started. I don’t like the reports of riots and physical violence obviously, but all of the panicking, all of the crying, all of the calls for impeachment and assassination s before the guy even gets in office, all of the fear and anger behind the riots, all of the despair and wailing about how the world is ending and we’re all gonna die; all of this has been among the most hilarious and satisfying entertainment I’ve had in a while, mainly because of the kind of people this is affecting. However, there are a few people I do care about that have also been swept up in this blender of emotional destruction so for those guys I’d like to share a story, which hopefully helps give you more of a sense of clarity:

I remember when I was around 5 years old, and the oven in the kitchen had this analog timer on it. And when the timer ran down, it would emit this screeching buzz that started pretty low, but would eventually get as loud as an oncoming jet engine (again, I was 5, though I did live under the LAX flight line). I was utterly terrified of this timer. Every time it went off, I would (sometimes literally) drop whatever I was doing, and either try to shut the timer off before it got too loud, or run screaming out the door into the backyard as far as I could get from the kitchen. And no amount of coaxing or yelling or threats my mom used could get me back in the house until the timer was turned off. I can still hear that sound to this day, it was terrible.

One Saturday afternoon my dad witnessed me running into the backyard after the timer went off. And what he ended up doing was forcing me to sit at the table in the kitchen and turning the timer on. He made me sit there for almost a full hour (I think that’s as long as it would run), and would not let me up from that chair no matter what. I of course was scared for around 10 minutes of it; thus was something that literally had me running out the back door after all. But after 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 40, minutes, I started relaxing, my fear slowly being displaced by boredom and annoyance. By the time I was releases I was so happy I was allowed to turn it off, not because I was afraid of it, but because I couldn’t stand the sound of it any longer and I wanted to something, anything other than sit in a chair and stare at a fucking oven. And from that point on up until we moved, whenever it went off, instead of running outside, I ran to shut it off, and to this day if I ever hear it, just the annoyance factor will invoke the same response. In other words, my irrational fear of an otherwise harmless caterwaul was replacing by a rational displeasure of it.

Why am I telling you this story? Because for many of you, what you’re feeling right now is the result of the object you were told to fear should it come around is here. For the last 2 years or so, you were told that Donald Trump was every leftist insulting name they have. That he was racist against Mexicans, Muslims, and other assorted brown people. You were told he was a sexist asshole that assaults women. You were told he stole money, fucked over his employees and business partners, and doesn’t pay “his fair share”. You were told he was an inept egomaniac that is so unstable he would start a war over Twitter. You were told that anyone that supports him, even in passing, was as hateful as him. And should he become president, we would be the laughingstock of the world, we would lose all of our rights and social progress, the stock market and the economy would tank, the country would be destroyed, women would be raped and murdered, and you personally would be set on fire, in your underwear, in front of your loved ones, while they laugh at you.

And now that he has been elected, all of the people that believe all of this are losing their minds, because to them, the monster in the closet has come out and is now face to face with them, and they have no idea what to do. “Impeach him!”, they say. ” Shoot him dead!” “Move to Canada!” “Riot in the streets!” “Scream, make noise, shout down and attack anyone that supports him!” ” Do something, ANYTHING, BECAUSE IT’S DOOMSDAY AND WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!”

Look, I’m not telling you to like Trump. I’m not telling you not to dislike him either. What I’m trying to get across is that this reaction to his election, whether founded in truth or not, is completely irrational and outright dangerous. The things you were told were evil and destructive were told to you to evoke the emotional response you are having right now. What I’ve been telling you has been happening to you is coming out in front of your very eyes, and I’m here to tell you, today, this must stop. Much as I like watching you people squirm and scream, the more you allow this to continue, the more destruction you bring upon innocent neighborhoods and business, the more civil unrest you bring amongst your friends and neighbors, the more unhappiness you inject in the relationships you have with your loved ones and, worst of all, you continue to show that people can be controlled by negative speech and media spin and outright lies that appeal to your sense of emotion. And that, objectively, continues to make the world a much worse place.

I had to grow up at some point. It was unpleasant to say the least, but it was necessary, and I dare say I am much happier today than I was when I was 5. It’s time for you to grow up as well. Maybe all that you fear will come to pass; maybe the country will be a smoking radioactive crater that cannibalizes women and gays and minorities and immigrants to fuel the new war machine guided solely by Trump’s twitter feed, it could happen. But look at the people that told you that would happen, and what they told you that was proven wrong: they were wrong about him winning the nomination, despite almost every poll saying he would lose the election, and despite using every weapon they had to make him look like Hitler 2.0, he still beat them. And these are the same people that have manufactured your hatred and fear for him. Are you really going to let what they told you make you panic when for the past 2 years almost everything they said was wrong? Are you really so unwilling to take agency for your own thoughts, feelings and emotions, that you’re willing to accept the lies of the corrupt to write away the responsibilities of your actions and your mindset?

Like I usually say: I’m not here to tell you what to think. It’s your business how you take the news of Donald Trump winning the election. You are completely free to panic if you wish. I only ask you to look at what you’re giving up when you do. Like your happiness, your agency, the time you spend worrying when you could be loving your family, fixing problems in your life, and having a great time with friends. Chances are if you are panicking over this election, you’re someone I would care little before, but even people like you have people that care about you; don’t put them under that kind of pressure, they don’t deserve it. Again, I can understand if you dislike or even hate him; like I said, I still hear that timer to this day. But as much as I still hate that timer, I realize the fear I had of it was stupid, unfounded in fact and sparked irrational hatred that made that lowly timer a literal monster in my mind. I grew up from that. It’s time you do the same.

It’s time to stand up, face your demons. And when you do, look it in the eye and say “… What are you so afraid of?”

Whether it’s a real monster or not, isn’t that an answer you might want?  

How You Are Being Lied To

Just a heads up, or trigger warning for the pussies reading this: The reason I’m doing this is because of the 2016 election. I don’t like talking about politics in general, for all the obvious reasons; it’s an emotionally charged topic that gets heated quickly, it provokes arguments that often go nowhere and can split up otherwise good families and friends, etc. But this election has brought to light something I researched and even wrote about a while back, something whose simplicity is matched by it’s sheer power on human nature. That would be the manipulation of your emotions. Yes, it sounds simple, eye rolling so. But there are two parts of this you need to be aware of:

1. Humans generally have evolved to think in two different ways. One is logical, using rational evidence and critical thinking. The other is emotional, driven by primal instinct and reactions. They are two sides of the same coin, in many respects. One, if you think using logic, might say that thinking logically is the best wat to figure out a problem, because that is the best way to figure out the right solution to a problem. Today, that’s a smart plan, but the problem is that it didn’t work when humans were developing. Back when our problems were jaguars instead of Jenga, you didn’t have time to figure out whether that rustling of the leaves was either the wind or a predator; if you hesitated, you died. And if you look up the studies, when people are asked certain questions or put in high stress situations, the emotional and primal response in the human brain reacted way before the logical part of the human brain kicked in. In an evolutionary sense, logic is what you use when you have the luxury, while emotional reaction us what saved your ass; it’s what triggers the fight or flight response after all, therefore it takes priority in your brain. Keep that in mind, it is very important.

2. Humans teach using stories. We learn by emotion; you may have never seen a tiger in real life, but chances are you aren’t going to run and hug the first one you meet, because it’s a fucking tiger. The reason for that is that we can teach lessons using stories. This is vastly different from using scientific review; while the scientific method focuses on proving its point from logic (otherwise known as the slow way of learning), telling stories makes the problem and the solution to it relatable to the average person. It makes it a narrative, which can be entertaining on the surface, but like the stories our parents told us at bedtime, influence us on a level we many times never realize, meaning oftentimes, we don’t realize how we are being influenced. There are good reasons for this, one of which is tribalism: people back then didn’t have the time or patience to lay out the facts about why Tribe Grug was evil to Tribe Olaf, so they made stories about great battles and moral crusades to influence you on a primal level. When you are fighting for resources, your family, your very survival, you use the most effective weapons you have at your disposal, evidence and reason be damned! Again, this is very important, keep it in mind. And with that in mind, here’s the political part of this column. And though this will put me in a bad light for several reasons, though this makes me feel stupid for previous beliefs I once held, at my own expense, and your benefit, I will be as blunt and honest as I have ever been here:

I was wrong about Donald Trump.

In many ways, dead wrong.

Let’s make this clear: there are many flaws in his character. I know of several stories about him that make him an asshole, the eminent domain case of this elderly lady one of them. To counter that off the top of my head, there’s the 3 year old kid he saved by, without even thinking, having his private jet fly him to the nearest hospital when he was acutely sick, just because the kid’s mom asked him to please help. Look, he’s easy to make fun of, but he’s human. He’s one of us.

Do you really think he’s evil incarnate, indifferent to human suffering? Does he really value his own (in my own opinion, very high) ego over the lives or his own peers, family and neighbors? Well, if you’re in the media, that’s a huge yes.

When I say the media, I don’t mean just what is broadcast over the airwaves; many of us don’t get the news that way anymore. But we do get it from Facebook, from Twitter, from sites like Gawker, Reuters and Cracked and Daily Mail. We watch the Daily Show and the Colbert report get news from each other, from those outlets. They are used to tell stories. They are used to inform us by telling a narrative. And that narrative is to destroy Trump. He is their enemy, he threatens them, and they will stop at nothing to take him down.

Does that matter? If he is truly evil, doesn’t it make sense to use every weapon you have? Sure, if he was actively using a flamethrower to burn your family. In reality he’s a businessman running for office.  And yes, he has been a bad guy. But compare him to his primary opponent: Hillary Clinton. He’s been accused of many things that were important, such as bankruptcies and hiring illegals, that have since been debunked or shown to have been to be smart decisions. What she has been accused of is covering up her husband’s rapes, comprising national security, and other shady practices. Later on, the attacks against Trump have been rape and assault accusations, along with mean words he used; meanwhile Clinton has had many legitimate accusations either proved right or brought to light. The important thing to look at is that the attacks on Trump are issues that trigger a primal response, while attacks on Hillary, personal appearance aside, are treasonous ones that many people can yawn at. In other words, the atracks on Trump are scare stories; the ones on Clinton are factual and boring. What sounds worse, building a wall on the border of brown people, or enacting a policy that will provoke a nuclear power to attack the U.S.? What’s more exciting, hearing about how Clinton’s policies have doomed millions of people, or Trump grabbing women by the pussy?

Does that sound offensive to you? Are you offended that I’m defending Trump? If you are, why? Here’s why: the way he has been attacked was in a way that grabs your knee jerk reaction. Sure, you can have a debate about whether him building a wall is a good or bad idea, but its infinitely less rousing as whether or not he literally grabs women by the pussy. Him talking about bringing jobs back to inner city youth (black kids) and having negotiations with one of the biggest enemies of our nation’s lifetimes that was the Russian Federation pales in comparison to his criticism of beauty pageant women and his privacy about his tax returns. In other words: real issues that will make or break us as a people in our, and our children’s, future, matter next to nothing to what makes us angry in the here and now.

Is that you? Do you have a logical reason to hate Trump? Or does the mere mention of his name raise the hairs along your spine, making you bare your teeth at the thought of his mere existence? If its the latter(like most of you), you are the victim of the media. You are the victim of the type of historical story telling that programmed humans of yesteryear to fight against competing tribes, used to make you irrationally hate someone that, personal ego aside, might give more of a shit about you than they do. It is severely important that you realize how very important this is, because this taps into a shortcut in your brain that circumvents reason and goes directly to your emotions, which makes you react in a way you aren’t capable of defending against. Let’s make this very clear: Your ability to think rationally is being overrided by your primal urges to their emotional arguments. You are being told what to believe.

Here is where I usually have a million links to back this up. I’m not here to do that today. The info is out there for you to find and verify, and it’s been there for the last 3 decades; if you can’t or won’t find it, that’s on you. But understand that weakness is exactly why you can be tricked, lied to, and even controlled. If your natural reaction to hearing the preaching of doom is to immediately run away, it’s time to stop and think twice. That button of emotional response is almost irresistibly strong, and it’s being pushed to make you do their bidding. Do you like being manipulated like this? Let’s bring this back to politics, the reason I am writing this:

To be clear: I don’t like Trump. But I see Hillary as the catalyst of mass destruction. As much of an asshole as Trump is, you will die if Clinton is put in power. That said, I am voting for Gary Johnson. He’s not the perfect person, but he’s the best candidate, and though he’s got a flame’s chance in Hoth of winning, I stick by my morals and integrity. But I understand if you want to make your vote count, if that’s even possible today. If you want to survive, and only see Trump or Clinton, as much as it pains me to say, vote Trump. He’s your only hope.

Does that make you angry? Do I now sound racist for saying that? Am I now a misogynist, an illiterate, and other bad names, for saying that? Take a breath, take a walk. Clear your mind. And come back to these words:

I am not here to tell you what to think, but how to think, your benefit.

But what I will say, line my Instagram profile says and which I implore you to heed with deadly importance, is this:

Close your heart.

Open your mind.

You are being lied to.

Do not be controlled by those that do not have your well being in mind. If you do, you have no excuse of ignorance. You have no scapegoat. You helped cause this. You had the chance to help stop this and you didn’t.

You can make a difference. The opposition’s M.O. is to make you feel you have no chance to change things. Again, you CAN make a difference.

Learn. Do research. Learn to think for yourself. Learn to have faith in your side and your actions. Learn to believe you CAN do something to help. You, and you alone, have that intrinsic power to make the future possible. Don’t squander it. Your future, and your children depend on it. Don’t let them down.

I see the opposition say the reverse to control you, so I will repeat this:

Close your heart.

Open your mind.

You. Are being lied to.

Fall for it and doom yourself and your family.

Or take it on and arm yourself, your family, and survive.

The choice is yours. The truth is there. Which will you choose?

How To Judge Women You Date: An Objective Guide

Hey there. Its been a while. I’ve been on vacation, and had quite a bit to work on, one of the jobs being this. If you somehow have found this and were waiting, it is my hope this was worth the wait. This thing you were waiting for was a guide, and here it is!

You know, this might be a controversial topic. If you’re surprised I’d bring this up, Hi! I’m a dick! Nice to meet you!

 

Who this guide is for:

As simply as possible, straight males that want to date straight women, and want an accurate, structured way to choose the best ones. Additionally, this guide can be used by straight women who want to date straight men, and would like to improve her chances of attracting a suitable man. Dating will be defined here as a relationship that is sexual in nature, with a time frame from a one night stand or a casual FWB, up to an long term relationship or even finding a partner for life.

 

How it works:

It works as an overarching scoring system ranging from 0-4, 4 being the highest. Each of the four points represents 4 different categories, each category with its own point scale from 0-10. The four categories are Physical Beauty, Sexual Performance, Personal Relationship, and Financial Independence:

#1. Physical beauty

Yes, this is judging a book by it’s cover. Guess what? That’s what the cover is for; its advertisement. And like a good cover tells you whether a book is good, so too does a woman’s appearance tell you what you’re in for. No, its not 100%, just like nothing about humans is ever 100%; its merely a (very good) indicator of what you’re getting.

This is broken into 4 hard categories equaling 10:

Face(head), 3. Both are important, so the points are split between the 2:

Facial features, 0-1.5: From the “fat girl with the cute face”, to the “one that’s hot from the neck down”, this can make or break a body.   Facial beauty are fairly subjective, and different features look different on different races, but there are a few universal preferences, such as facial symmetry and straight teeth. For scale: 1 point for a good face, up to 1.5 for an exceptionally beautiful one, down to .5 for butter face and 0 for terrifying. Points off for excessive piercings, particularly tongue because that’s a red flag of poor oral skills.

Hair, -1 – 1.5:   Just as important if not more so, hair can either highlight a great face or serve as a red flag. Naturally colored or not, length and health of hair is key. This is graded on a sliding scale, starting at 1 point for shoulder length, to 1.5 for mid back and longer. vice versa for shorter length, from .5 for neck length, down to zero for a “pixie” cut. Shaved heads, partial or full, get a full negative point that counts against any points gained from good facial features.

Breasts: 2

Size, 0-1: Obviously within reason, bigger is better, a good set has enough to hang at least a little. Meaning the best cup sizes will range from a large B up to DD; sorry A and F cups; they’re just either not enough, or too much to play with. In regard to implants, they generally bring a more negative score, but execution is key. If they make an otherwise unremarkable B a great C or D, great. Otherwise, the more noticeable, the worse score. Yes, I realize cup size can change with band size. I’m assuming a bit of intelligence and running knowledge of breast on your part.

Shape, 0-1: Melon or pear, small or large nips, how they look in a bra, a shirt or by themselves: it matters. You could have the perfect sized D boobs: no one wants them to be 90% areola or hanging around your navel. A great way to judge this would be how they look in a shirt, in a swim top, and (preferably) how they look hanging free.

Ass: 2

Shape, 0-2: I was originally going to make size a factor, but unlike breast size, it simply needs to have a presence, but not an overwhelming one; proportional to body size is ideal. Firmness, as well as how it looks with a good pair of jeans (or panties) on, make even the smallest of butts look great. A classic example of a great ass would be the “apple bottom” shape, while one like Buffie’s (look her up) may not be ideal.

Body: 0-3

Body shape and symmetry, 0-2: This is basically how everything is packaged, with the classic hourglass/coke bottle shape being the ideal. Think ’90’s Selma Hayek, or for a more cartoonish  example, Jessica Rabbit. The closer to this shape(within reason) the higher the score, and vice versa. Meaning if you have a big gut, flabby arms, chunky legs, etc., those are points off. The score gets lower as well if you have rail thin legs, skinny arms, or are basically a stick (think make up models that fat chicks say are fat shaming them).

Excess body fat, 0-1: Women biologically will have a higher percentage of body fat than men, but its generally proportioned in different places, like their breasts. That said, you know when there’s too much; this is where the term ‘toned’ comes in in reference to body parts, like arms, legs, buns (ha), and stomach. Full points for a well toned body, though a little (a liiitle) cushion is good; there’s no need for everything to be rock hard muscle. Start shaving off the score the thicker the fat gets.

 

Sexual performance, 0-10

This really comes down to what’s on the table and what isn’t. And many times that changes as the relationship goes on, so this should be paid the utmost attention. Full points if there is total satisfaction, half if it could improve, zero if that part sucks:

Willingness to please, 0-4: simply put, does she love giving you what you want, or is it like pulling teeth to get it? I’ll make this easy to grade:

Blow jobs: -1 – 3: This gets the lion’s share because of one fact: this is the act where the only pleasure she gets is from how much pleasure she is giving you; it’s the selfless act of giving an orgasm. To grade: 3 points if she can’t get enough of your semen, 2 if it’s a strong part of your sex life, 1 if its kinda there, 0 if you have to ask for it every time, -1 if it’s nonexistent.

Other needs: 0-1: dressing up, sex in weird places, anal, etc. If you get this, 1 point.

Her sexual satisfaction: 0-3: Altruistic as this may be, the reality is that guys indeed get off when she does; we place a high value on our ability on her being pleasured, and fact is her body will feel much better when she’s turned on as opposed to if she’s a “cold fish”. However, while her enjoying it depends on what you do, a big chunk is dependent on what’s in her head. Meaning her upbringing, beliefs, and social beliefs about sex will affect her ability to enjoy an orgasm, if she can have one, leading to…

Vaginal orgasm, 0-2: Pretty simple, does she get off from how you fuck her or not? 1 for yes, 2 for multiple, 0 for none. This is important because the amount of pleasure she can get will directly reflect what she’s willing to give you, and how much she will want you to fuck her; someone that gets off on your dick will want it more than one that doesn’t. More pertinent: if she can’t have one, that’s a red flag for other problems.

Other kinks, 0-1: This could be as simple as her getting off to you going down on her, to liking wearing that nurse outfit, to being into your BDSM bedroom habits. If she’s in, 1 point.

 

Frequency, 3 points: How often do you have sex when you’re around each other? Neither of the above makes a difference if it never happens. This can be boiled down to 2 areas:

Her desire, 0-3: how much does she want it? If every time you are with her she’s pulling your pants off, 3 points. If you have to make a Herculean effort to get her interested in you, 0.

Availability, -10-0: again, she could give the most mind blowing head you could ever have: it doesn’t matter if it never happens. Meaning negative points count against anything in this category. 0 if you have access to her sex anytime you’re both available, to -10 if she’s never available.

 

Personal relationship, 0-10:

This is how you get along with and relate to each other. Some guys may not see this as important, but unless you’re paying a professional to fuck you (at which point you’re not exactly dating), chances are you’ll have to interact like human beings at some point. So I’ll break this down into 4 areas:

Private interaction, 0-2:

Simply put, how well do you get along when you’re only in each other’s company? 2 points if you get along most of the time in general, 0 if she’s constantly complaining or nagging you about things you do, or if you’re usually annoyed by her habits or demeanor. Anything in between that gets graded accordingly. I did give this a low score relative to how important it is, and that’s because the following two are a big part of this.

Activities, 0-2:

Do you two enjoy the same activities? For those you don’t, are you able to tolerate the differences? Activities here means whatever media you consume together (like watching Netflix or playing games), outdoor activities (hiking, parties, going to the bar, hitting the gym or shooting range, etc.), and any vices you may have (alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana, crystal crack salts, or abstinence of them). Full 2 points if you can each enjoy what you do and don’t like in harmony, 1 if there’s friction between some of them, 0 if you’re completely incompatible.

Beliefs, 0-2:

Akin to the above, do you have the same beliefs, or are at least able to live with the differences? These can range from the major ones (belief or disbelief in religion, politics, do they like bacon/are they vegan, etc.) to the relatively trivial (which teams you root for, pancakes vs waffles, what her that dress really does make her look fat). And just like the previous one, 2 points for relative harmony, 0 for complete discourse, and anything in between for any overlap.

Social interaction, 0-4:

Unlike the previous three, this measures how she behaves when you are around other people, and how she treats you in a social setting. 4 points if she’s generally supportive of and complements you (she has positive things to say about you to others and backs you up when needed) is well mannered around others, and doesn’t cause you too many grievances in public. 0 if she does pretty much the opposite of this.

 

Autonomy and Independence:

This is how autonomous she is, along with how much of her own weight she carries, financially or otherwise.

Finances, 0-3: This would be the first sign you’d get of whether the woman you’re with has her life together or not. The more she depends on you to provide shelter, food, spending money, cash for her bills, etc., the lower the score. If she has her own place (or pays her half of the rent), her own transportation, buys her own stuff, and generally takes care of her own needs, the higher her score.

Labor, 0-3: Related to the above, how well can she take care of herself physically. Are you always being asked to carry her bags, open the door, fix her car and drywall, and make her meals? Then she’ll get a lower score than a girl that wrenches on her own ride, can figure out a door hinge, and literally carries her own weight.

Mental/Emotional issues, 0-4: A bit encompassing of a few things, this is how well she can deal with and make decisions, her ability to handle her relationships with friends and family along with her personal issues, and whether she has any actual psychological or mental disorders along with any substance abuse issues she (or her family/friends) may have. If she doesn’t depend on you to constantly help her deal with any of the above, that warrants a high score, and vice versa if you’re always tending to her choices of employment and dresses, what to do about her mom cutting her out of the will, and consoling her while she cries about how her lithium prescription makes it hard to orgasm. I gave this one a point above the others because it is this one that has the biggest effect, and if severe enough can and will affect many of the other categories, let alone this one.

A side note just to be fair: a willingness to take care of herself counts more a lot more than if she’s forced to. Whether you decide to assist her in any of these is your choice, and makes a difference if genuinely appreciated. It becomes a problem if she becomes dependent, or even feels entitled, to your help.

 

How to use this guide:

I put in quite a few checkpoints in each category, so you can be as thorough as you want using this; you can even simply use the Beauty one as a standalone if you want. But the idea is to pick the ones that score as close to a 4 as possible. That said, as barebones and simple as this guide is meant to be, it still requires a bit of time and information. Meaning that this is a progressive grading scale: the more time you spend with her, the higher the score should go. With that in mind, there are several ways you can use this depending on what you’re looking for.

One Night Stand/ weekend vacation fling:

Basically you’re just looking to hook up with someone for a night or two, maybe a 3 day weekend’s worth. As such, while you may exchange a few words and possibly pay for an Uber ride and a room, chances are you’re mostly interested in how she looks and how she fucks. So with her, your primary interests will be Physical Beauty, then Sexual Performance, for a scale of 0-2.

Casual relationship/Friend With Benefits:

Whether this is someone you get together with when its convenient for both, adding to your bullpen, or just someone you’re interested in spending time with outside the bedroom (or backseat), this is someone you’ll be around a lot more than the above. This is where the other two come more into play; the more you’re exposed to each other the more you’ll see how well you’ll get along, and how well she tales care of herself or asks for help. Its here you’ll be able to judge her on a full 0-4 scale with confidence, and really see whether she’s worth keeping around or not.

Long term/exclusive partner:

Whatever you choose to call it, this is a girl you’re with for a long time and therefore are more likely to have more of a commitment and attachments to, such as moving in together, sharing expenses and assets, meeting each other’s family, even something unnecessary like get legally married or procreate together. And since this is the type of relationship that spans the most amount of time, here is where this guide’s index really counts: like the above, here you can gauge her on the 0-4 scale, but more importantly you can now also gauge whether she’s gained or lost value over time and see whether she will continue to improve or get worse. If you’re searching for this kind of relationship and are worried about ending up with a woman with good “front game”, this is a great way to spot them.

 

Like I said before, this may seem a bit complicated, and in a sense it is, which is the norm when you’re gauging humans. Once you start using it, however, it becomes easy to implement.  Whether you want to be thorough enough to start using Excel spreadsheets, or just need a quick check to make sure things aren’t going south, this guide should fit your needs so long as you keep the four categories in mind. Which even doing a quick gut check should be pretty simple, and can be asked in question form:

Is she hot, or is she still as hot as before?

Is she satisfying in bed?

Do we get along with each other? And

Am I having to pay or work more than my fair share?

And for the women reading this, these are question you can ask yourself to make sure you’re keeping your man happy and satisfied with you, which I would hope is important to you as you’d want your happiness to be with him. And should this not help, there’s always the trademarked Tom Leykis 8 words for a woman to keep a man: Long Hair, Stay Slim, Sex Anytime, Shut Up.

Either one should do the job. Happy hunting!

 

A review of the $4 soda I was forced to buy

Writing rantings like this ones isn’t my job; in fact I don’t get paid to write any of this just yet. The job I have involves delivering, and in this case I had a soda in that order, which, being the rare case this happens, I dropped it. Naturally, I went back to the restaurant and asked for another one. The drink, called a Coco Rico, was $3.50, but ended up being $4 with tax.
Continue reading “A review of the $4 soda I was forced to buy”

American Mass Shootings are our Zombie Apocalypse

Oh boy. I’ve only written out the title, and already I get the feeling this is going to be a looong piece.

So, at the time this is being written, you may have heard of the mass killing in Orlando (if you’re reading this later, just sub in the most recent one). And everyone that knows about this has an opinion. I would hope that the majority can agree that what happened to the innocent people at that bar was a horrible bit of history.

So here’s my take. This is my opinion, which could be wrong. And I honestly hope I am wrong about this: mass killings like this are only beginning. This is, in part, humanity’s Apocalypse.

hy do I call it that? First, let’s look at the (informal) definition of zombie: ” a person who is or appears lifeless, apathetic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings.” For the purposes of this article, I’ll adapt this into a definition of my own: “a person who is apathetic to and has malicious intent toward others, and  is functionally incapable of being reasoned with”. The thing about zombies is that people tend to dehumanize them, but in literally any pop culture reference out there, or even real life ones in Haiti or the Caribbean, the zombies are all physically still human, and had human characteristics before they were zombies. Whether it’s the undead and shambling like in The Walking Dead, the angry and fast like the ones in Left For Dead, the mutated juggernauts in Resident Evil; that’s what people generally picture.

The problem is that the above examples are fantasy; we live in reality. And the reality is that those that mean us harm are a lot more human than what you would see in the movies and in video games. They are in fact completely human, act human, respond like humans, etc. And in many cases, you don’t know they are zombies until they are killing people. I don’t speak for you, but in my opinion, that’s the most terrifying kind of zombie of all, because they’re the ones that you not only don’t see coming like in Resident Evil, but could be right there in  your camp, or your house. They could be your coworkers, the crowd at your local bar or autoshop, the people driving the bus you ride in, your fellow tenants. The zombies aren’t just people that used to be human, they ARE human.

Now let’s look at the definition of apocalypse, specifically this one: ” an event involving destruction or damage on an awesome or catastrophic scale.” You could use the one that describes the complete destruction of the world like in the Revelations section of the Christian bible, but reality is a lot more fluid than that and with anything human related, there is no concrete certainty. To be fair, all homicides are at a historic low right now (again, at the time of this writing). But while homicides of all kinds are down, the rise of mass shootings and mass killings are skyrocketing, with no sign of slowing down. And people, unsurprisingly, aren’t taking this lying down. They are trying to advocate laws against the weapons used with and stockpiling their own, while ignoring the root cause of the problem which has, in my opinion, the unfortunate side effect of only making the problem worse.

So where are these “zombies” coming from? People have different opinions that I don’t necessarily agree with, but mainly I believe they are those that don’t have any guidance in their lives. Little, if any, decent upbringing. A huge lack of social skills, a mindset that you’re alone, or that you’re unlike everyone else. A social disconnect with humanity as a whole. And, what I believe is the major reason related to all of the above: loss of purpose, agency, and identity (interpret that last one as you will). And if you look at any of those, these issues have gotten exponentially worse among humans in recent years; I feel safe in saying my opinion is that these are the causes.

You take all of this together; the sharp rise of”zombies” that, for whatever reason want to end a bunch of lives with no regard to their own, along with the sheer incompetent response we have in addressing this, we are heading toward a full blown human dystopia. And I don’t say this jokingly; I say this in the hope I am wrong, and things improve. If I’m right, all of the politics, the social attitudes, and laws we seek to implement are going to drive this problem to a near epidemic level. Not to the level as, say, a civil war, or a medical pandemic. But this, meaning mass shootings, or knifings, or the risk of being blown up in a theater, all of these will end up being a part of everyday life. A risk you’d have to deal with going to work, getting groceries, sending your kids to school.

And that’s the scary part. The apocalypse won’t be a black and white, good vs evil movie we want, where the good guys (you) have guns, morals and the law in your favor, while the enemy is easily identified lethargic target practice. The bad guys and enemies are also humans, can also wield guns, knives and bombs, look and mostly act like you, and are also protected under the same laws you are. You can’t just gather all of your buddies in jeeps and hunt down all the baddies, because they’re likely just working their jobs, playing with their kids, and fucking their spouses at the time. You can’t screen them out of your compound because they speak your language and bleed just like you. And when they finally do snap and decide to kill a bunch of people, unless you know them personally you won’t have any warning until you are staring their blades and barrels in the eye.

There’s no crusade that can just shoot these people until they don’t exist anymore. For that matter, there’s no quick solution at all for this. In my opinion (I’m saying that a lot today), the people that perpetrate this are already here. And even scarier, they’re breeding more people to keep this going, not for that purpose, but because they didn’t have the guidance growing up themselves and therefore may not be able to raise a child properly. Hell, I could be speaking to you, the next mass murderer, right now. And that’s the problem.

This is not going to go away anytime soon. You could ban any weapons you think will be used; they will be modified to kill multiple people anyway. You could try to stop people you think are mentally ill, only to be shot by Ned Flanders. Issue every citizen a bulletproof knife resistant flak jacket and make them wear it; watch a bunch of people in an office die of food poisoning. This won’t be stopped with one single action. You want this to stop? Address the cause of people wanting to kill a bunch of people in the first place. Take away the reason and motivation for people to accept suicide as an acceptable cost to make their point through mass murder. And while I will say I don’t have the expertise to tell you what to do, I will say that the usual methods society uses, like convincing them to invest their money here, or have children so they have a stake in their future, don’t work, because many of these zombies had these and DIDN’T GIVE A FUCK ANYWAY.

To the layman reading this: this will be a reality. It sucks, I know. It makes social settings scary, and since social settings make life worth living, it fucks up your standard of living. And its not going away in your lifetime(please, Time, prove me wrong. I don’t want to be right for once here). But you, like the human zombies who want to kill you, will have to adapt, and learn to vet the people you choose to hang out with, and sniff out the people that are trouble. That is a lot of work that could be the equivalent of a bachelors class in a real college, that you will either have to teach yourself through trial and error, or a course I may make here!

But there’s no sanctuary anymore, not here in the U.S. at least. We’re all in danger. The best thing we can all do is educate ourselves against this. To help each other, learn to socialize with everyone we come in contact with. To offer help when we can. To actually raise the kids you bring into the world with these values of social benevolence. To treat those you meet, especially those that may be ostracized and misanthropic, with kindness and understanding. People killing a lot of people, after all, are caused by the people’s desire to kill them. You can try to limit their ability to do so and watch them adapt to your tactics, since their also human. Or you can address them as human and help them deal with the issues that make them want to kill everyone they possibly can before they kill themselves. Continue reading “American Mass Shootings are our Zombie Apocalypse”

Bacon does not cause cancer, stop this myth

  • This is fairly old in Internet years, but its a subject that comes up all the time. And of course, since my name is Bacon, eventually I’ll have to bring it up. So to do this, I wanted to just post the rather lengthy article I wrote last year, but turns out I’ll have to write it out manually here. So I’ll paraphrase my own old work for your benefit. Enjoy!

I was made aware of this article I debunked by a good friend of mine on Facebook who (surprise!) happens to be vegan! Her exact quote is “You may as well be rolling your bacon & lighting it up & smoking it.” She’s a wonderful person to be around and I do value her as a friend, but of course she knows jack shit about nutrition, else she wouldn’t be a vegan. Also, she wouldn’t have said what she said, and here’s why:

“””If anyone has seen this link you know exactly why I’m commenting on it; it’s an article by IFLScience (an aside, I trust them because they’re usually on their A game, so this is disappointing to me personally) stating that processed meats, heavily emphasizing bacon, are now classified as a carcinogen by the World Health Organization, and you can read it here:

 

www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/processed-meats-classified-carcinogens-world-health-organization

If you don’t have much time to read much farther or are allergic to reading, here’s the short story: whole processed foods are generally bad for your health, bacon is not; so long as you don’t burn it, which WILL make it cancerous), it’s far better for you than the average vegan will let on.

Look, I understand the average person was told to believe that anything that isn’t green is bad for you, so stories like this tend to jumpbout and confirm that. And while I’m certainly not saying that processed food in generally are healthy or that vegetables aren’t, articles like this are very misguiding and only make things worse.

So what is it that makes people think bacon is bad for you? The main 3 reasons are usually its fat content, the salt used to cure it, and the nitrates to help preserve it. Let’s take those down one by one:

1. Fat content: When people bring this up, they usually mean saturated fat. Without writing an entire article about this, the statement that saturated fat is bad for you is a myth (I can go into detail about this later). Either way, that only makes up about 40% of it’s total fat content; the remainder is about 10% polyunsaturated and 50% monounsaturated, which youay recognize as the fat that makes extra virgin olive oil so healthy.

2. Salt: Its true that eating a lot if salt can temporarily increase your blood pressure,l, but unless you’re drinking concentrated salt Kool-Aid, there is no strong evidence that salt causes hypertension or heart disease.

3. Nitrates: This is something I talked about before. Nitrates/nitrites by themselves do not cause cancer. However, if the food with it is overcooked they can turn into a compound called nitrosamine, which is definitely carcinogenic. Some companies add vitamin C, which helps mitigate it’s formation. Takeaway message: don’t burn your bacon! And for that matter, it’s probably not a good idea to burn the veggies you eat either, since vegetables are the primary source of the nitrates used for meat preservation (don’t believe me? Look at the packs of bacon and hot dogs with natural preservatives; see if they don’t say they’re from celery or cherry..)

Something that should be noted: smoke is obviously carcinogenic, so if your bacon has been smoked (that would be many brands of packaged bacon)it may have more carcinogens and therefore is more likely to cause cancer. And if you’re concerned about having too much sodium in your diet (from perhaps a medical condition) you always have the option of buying uncured bacon. But to say that Bacon and other meat products, like pork sausage and ham, since salami generally doesn’t use nitirites for preservation) cause cancer is simply untrue.

With all of that said, why does the WHO (more accurately the IARC which is a part of WHO, but WHO is more easily recognized and generates more clicks) say processed meat is more carcinogenic? To putnit simply, the screwup is the classic confusion of correlation and causation. The people that tend to consume large amounts of processed meat are alsobthe most likely to smoke (cigarettes), less likely to be physically active, and all around more prone to live a less healthy lifestyle. To put it another way, the person eating a lot of Bacon probably isn’t eating it with eggs or asparagus, but rather in a McDonald’s cheeseburger with fries and a coke; the guy having salami isn’t getting it as a snack with aged white cheddar, but as a topping on a pizza from Domino’s. And since classifies it as “any meat that has been modified to increase the shelf-life or to improve it’s taste”, technically that means marinating your beef tenderloin in the fridge makes it a processed meat, and between that and the sausage links from Denny’s, it doesn’t take a genius to point out the difference between the two.

It’s counterproductive to just demonize processed meat when the problem is consuming large amounts of processed food in general. Specifically foods that contain large amounts of sugar, vegetable oil, wheat or trans fats. If your bacon comes on a burger patty that’s half soy protein and and oil, covered with cheese (excuse me, “pasteurized process food product”) mixed with corn oil, sandwiched between bread made with degermed and pulverized wheat flour, and served with fried cooked with partially hydrogenated canola rape seed oil, of course you’re more at risk for cancer, as well as every other disease currently reaching epidemic levels. But if you’re blaming the bacon, you’re blaming the least of your problems, because COME ON, DIDN’T YOU READ THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH?

One last thing I found particularly interesting is the type of cancer they’re blaming red and processed meat for specifically is colorectal (bowel) cancer, which ties in nicely with the standard demonization of anything that’s not plants. They included a link on this type of cancer as well:

http://www.wcrf.org/int/cancer-facts-figures/data-specific-cancers/colorectal-cancer-statistics

Thus website makes 3 lists of the top 20 countries that report colorectal cancer, one for both sexes and one each for male and female populations. Care to guess where the good old U.S. of A. ranked? 1st, right? Maybe 2nd? Surely not below 9th? How about NOT EVEN ON THE LIST? That’s right: GE fattest country on the planet doesn’t even rank the top 10 on even one of the lists, which again was linked on IFLS as proof that “Bacon is evil and causes cancer!!!!!”

So which countries were there? The ones ranked near the top were the Chech Republic, Slovakia, Korea, Norway, Denmark, and the Netherlands. And while there are differences between the average diet of these countries, one thing they all have in common is they all are low in red and processed meats, with the last 3 countries up there actually having a diet named after their countries’ region. So even in their website I could make a point the exact same way they did and say that processed meat actually reduces the risk of bowel cancer, since the countries where people that seldom eat them seem to contract this type of cancer the most, and potentially be wrong in the exact same way. (By the way: this is on top of the more recent data that says that even if your risk of colorectal cancer goes up 18%, that brings up your risk of getting that cancer in your lifetime from 5% to 6%. Yeah, eating smoked meats gives you a whopping 1% extra chance of getting a specific kind of cancer. And you compare it to goddamn smoking?)

 

Did I miss anything? Do you think I’m wrong or mistaken? Feel free to let me know! Though honestly speaking I doubt most of the people that would disagree will even get past the first link, let alone read to this point. So everyone that thinks eggs cause diabetes and I might as well roll bacon up and smoke it, I’ll be making the exact same point next week. See you then!”””

… Wow. That was written a while ago and I really didn’t have to change much if anything there, save for a few misspellings and some additions. I’m willing to bet a lot of people today, should they read this before the year 2020, will probably still repeat the mantra of “don’t eat too much saturated fat, its bad for you, bacon will give you cancer, etc….” Hey, that’s one reason I’m rewriting this: once mainstream media and science finally tells you what I am saying here and what other smart people have been saying for years, you’ll realize: I was right!

That’s all for now. Cheers!

 

 

The 3 ingredients that ruined fast food

Hey there! You like fast food, right? Let’s be clear here: whatever your opinions are about food, most of us would agree that the concept of “fast food”, where whatever your nourishment of choice may be can be made to eat faster, is pretty awesome. After all, nobody likes spending 5 hours to make something if they could get the exact same thing in 5 minutes. 

What fast food is today, however, is generally regarded as unhealthy, and for good reason. Most “fast food” is what you get in a to-go, drive through style, with places like McDonald’s typically being the figurehead of the industry. And the majority of people whose diets include copious amounts of fast food meals tend to have the most health related problems and mortality rates.

But what is it about fast food that makes it so unhealthy? Keep in mind that businesses go into business to make a profit. And one of the ways to do that, aside from raising prices, is to lower overhead; lowering the cost of manufacturing the product specifically in the example here. And there are 3 ingredients that stand out as the worst thing you could ever add to your diet.

To be open here: there’s a whole lot more to nutrition and dietetics that explains the health problems western cultures face today, but when it comes to pointing a finger at a culprit, these 3 ingredients are the biggest sources of your problem with McDoubles:

1. Sugar, specifically added sugar

When I mention sugar, I’m not talking about fruits and veggies in their natural form; those are healthy when eaten as they are. Think soda, cookies, condiments, “low fat” foods, etc. Most manufactured foods today have added sugar to make them tasty, particularly if they’re marketed as “healthy”. And yes, I do mean most: look at the ingredients list of just about any product: if it has anything of the following words: sugar, syrup, evaporated ___ juice, nectar, molasses, fruit juice, etc., it has added sugar.

2. Plant oils and fats, especially trans fats

Again, in their natural form, they’re healthy, like the fats you get in nuts and legumes. Also to be excluded from this list: oil from olives, coconuts, and avocados; these are some of the healthiest fats on Earth. I’m talking about cheap mass made oils from soybeans, corn, grape seed, safflower, peanuts, rice bran, etc., along with anything that’s labelled as partially/fully hydrogenated, as those are trans fats. Canola (rapeseed) and palm oil are often used as well, but aren’t nearly as bad.

3. Wheat

A small back story: wheat was once a healthy grain, and in some places it still is. The most common wheat today is dwarf wheat, which did help keep over a billion people from dying of starvation, is nowhere near as healthy as, say, einkorn wheat. Along with the way it’s processed to make it a cheap ingredient, makes it a terrifying ingredient. Such names are enriched flour (bleached or not), whole wheat, whole grain wheat, and other names for bread.

Again, this isn’t to explain why these are bad for you. I may tackle these later, but you can easily look up Kris Gunnars’ site AuthorityNutrition.com and read up yourself; he and his staff do a great job of showing the facts. What I want you to focus on is those 3 things, and look at how many of them, in their various forms, show up in fast food, whether bought ready to eat at Burger King, or at Safeway in the frozen aisle to microwave later, or as a snack on the go.

The funny thing is that many people demonize completely healthy things, particularly if they’re animal products like meat, cheese, saturated fat, etc. But look at that McDouble: cheap beef is supposed to be the killer(note: try not to eat cheap beef), but what about that white wheat bun, cheese filled with corn oil, and ketchup with corn syrup? That pepperoni on that pizza will kill you, not the whole wheat crust leavened with vegetable oil. Those eggs will give you diabetes, not the corn oil they’re fried in and the toast they’re served on.

Probably the worst example I can think of is the “healthiest breakfast”, which is finally being pointed out as completely false, that being breakfast cereal. Honey Nut Cheerios are “heart healthy”, but even without adding sugar yourself, the main ingredients are wheat and sugar. There are a million examples but just look at the back of the label; if a food is thought of as unhealthy (or even worse, if it’s a food marketed as healthy), see how many of those 3 ingredients in whatever form show up. Chances are they’re right there.

The takeaway from this? If you’re even slightly health conscious, you probably read food labels to see what’s in it. If you want a short cheat list to pick healthy food, look for these 3 things:

1. Sugar

2. Plant oil/trans fat

3. Wheat

If you avoid 3 things, you will be ahead of the game. The only problem is this means you will likely have to make your favorite things at home, like burgers, pizza, tacos, sandwiches, hot dogs, whatever you like to buy for less than $10 in 2010’s USD. Because the reality is that wherever you buy your food, chances are it’s made with the cheapest ingredients, and those 3 up there are the cheapest to use. That’s one of the main reasons fast food is dangerous to eat full time.

You dont have to believe me. Do your own research, use Google, ro again, simply go down the snack food or cereal aisle and ask for the nutrition facts at Jack In The Box and see how many times those ingredients pop up. Because those are the ones that are killing you. Just thought I’d point that out. Cheers!

“F**k your living wage!”, explained

(The following is a post I made last year. Its a very bare bones life experience, but I figured it would be a good fit here.)

 

“Fuck your living wage!” There, I said it. Why am I saying it? Because I’m an asshole, sure. But I do have a personal reason:

I spent 6 months at my first job as a supermarket clerk making $6.96/hr. working the longest schedules in between college, doing all the grunt work and paying a union half my check to do basically nothing. I worked as a baggage handler at an airport making $9/hr. to escape my first job, only to be fired with no explanation 6 months later. After a few months of unemployment I spent the next few selling knives on commission and doing handyman jobs for friends and family. After I finished college and got my aircraft maintenance certification, I hung out with some people that did stupid things and ended up with a record, but still landed a job assembling helicopter parts for a local company making $17/hr. I managed to last there 6 months before the recession hit, and half the factory was laid off.

I spent the next 4 months looking for work at literally any job that was hiring, until I finally got a job with a contracting crew installing fiber optic cables. That lasted a few months before that job dried up and I was unemployed again. I knew, with my record, I couldn’t apply to a normal job, so after another couple of unsuccessful months trying to sell knives again, I tried my hand at working for myself, first with personal training, then expanding to bike repair. Between both of those, working as a caretaker for my grandmother, and as a extra hand for a plumber, I made enough to get by, but I realized I would never make a good enough living in L.A. to move out, so I made several plans to leave the city. After clearing up my record and two unsuccessful attempts to move out of state, I finally settled with moving to a mountain resort area, with a partner, a job set up, and a lot of help from my family.

I spent the next 6 months working at the local ski resort for $9.80/hr., and the following summer working at the local bar restaurant for minimum wage plus tips. When the drought hit that year, it left most of the area either without jobs or barely any working hours. I was lucky enough to pick up side work helping a local fix up her house, and made plans to move again, this time out of state. So after the summer and fall working and saving as much as I could (with the last month living in my car in freezing temperatures) , I set up plans to stay with my dad, start working as a bike courier, and move into an apartment.

Things didn’t go quite as planned. The job I had fell through, and the apartment didn’t take my application because I was too new to the state, a fact that ended up with me sleeping on a couch for the next 5 months. After a month I ended up getting a seasonal job with a delivery company as a driver helper making minimum wage, which only lasted until Christmas. After New Years I started working at a warehouse 11 miles away by bike (my car wasn’t safe to drive at the time) for $10/hr. unloading boxes.  After a few months of this, I saw an ad for a delivery driver, where the requirements were that you had to have a smart phone and a working car. After I made the investment into getting a smart phone and my car into working shape I went for it, and it has paid off tremendously, enough that I was able to quit my warehouse job, move off my dad’s couch into my own place, and actually start planning a better future for myself.

The point is this: I spent the past 10 years constantly switching from employed to jobless, having enough to happily get by versus barely able to take care of myself. When living situations got bad enough where I was, I planned moving 5 times, succeeding twice. When plans and jobs fell through, I went for new one, better opportunities, and even created my own. I had help along the way, but I always made every effort to get by on my own resources. I’ve been prepared to work for minimum if I had to, but never planned on staying there, so it never meant much to me. Whether I was at by highest or lowest, I always kept my sights higher than where I was.

Now I look at a lot of people today that work at minimum wage jobs, shitty places, with uncaring management and terrible working conditions, much like I did for most of my adult life. Except these people are asking for a “living wage”.

Meaning instead of working their way up the ladder, they’re asking to live at the bottom of it. Instead of learning how to make themselves worth more than they are now, they’re asking to be paid so that, unlike everyone else, they don’t have to. They want the same hourly wage that people have gone to school for, worked their way up the chain of a business, busted their asses to get. After spending the better part of a decade fighting to get closer to the top, can you really expect me to sympathize with those fighting to stay at the bottom?

Honestly, if that’s you, Fuck you. You don’t deserve to be paid a “living wage”, because, truth be told, you’re not worth it. Whether you believe it or not, you get paid exactly what you are worth, and if your job is one anybody can do, you’re paid what anybody else would be paid. If your response to that is “Give me more money because I can’t make a living doing this.”, you don’t deserve to make a living, at least the one you have in mind. That might sound harsh, but I can almost guarantee that if someone like me, who worked for minimim wage and sometimes even less, feels this way, just about everyone else who earns a living wage today does too. Why should you get paid what everyone else works for?  If I had to bust my ass learning new skills, getting experience and moving to different places to make a living wage of my own, why should yours be handed to you?

Call me an asshole, but if you can’t even get a promotion or raise past the minimum, you either work for the wrong place or you’re too unskilled to go any farther; in either case, if you’re staying there, you’re getting what you deserve. And the only person that can change that is you. Make yourself worth $15 an hour. Hell, shoot for more! Why would you settle for less? Aren’t you better than that? I happen to think most people are, or can be. If you are, go for it! If not, if you think that the best you’ll ever do is minimum wage work,that’s fine too; we do need people like you. Just don’t ask the rest of us to raise the bar for you, when you couldn’t even bother to raise it for yourself.

(For legal purposes, I was asked to edit and post this for someone. They wanted their story known.)